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Unaware of All the Invisible Things

Blog Summary

I spent my twenties angry that my thighs were not thinner and my abs were not flatter. Sometimes I try to calculate how many hours of untapped imagination was wasted in that decade. Time I could have spent exploring my world instead of agonizing over my perfectly healthy body. On my nuttiest days I try to measure out my bad deeds on a "karma scale" to see if the total equals MS in your thirties. 

How far away or close are we to our brains — our miraculous life force floating pristine in fluid right behind or eyes? ...

Control Freak

Blog Summary

It has taken me a decade to admit that yes, I am a control freak. From wanting the bed made every morning, to checking in three times to see if my husband followed my to-do list when dropping off the baby at daycare:  I have accepted the truth that I am not as laid back as I pretend to be.  I realize it can be a funny or endearing term, but I also know from experience there is a deep-seeded anxiety that lives in all of us control freaks. “If I don’t have the control then I am in danger.” ...

Letter to my daughter

Blog Summary

The night after your 7 month birthday, you and I were alone in the home. That evening, I would breastfeed you for the last time. I sobbed, Naya. I desperately begged my body to file away and remember the feeling of feeding you, knowing inevitably I would forget how it felt the moment we were finished. And so I was mad. I was mad I had this disease. I was mad that I had to take these medicines. I was angry that the choice of when I was done feeding you was being ripped from me and no longer on our terms. Knowingly, you instantly pulled away from me and looked up at my face, perplexed. So I sat you up on my lap, each one of your tiny legs wrapped around my waist. And I spoke to you. Really spoke, for the first time in your life...