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  • bcavos
    On thanksgiving 2017 my whole right side went numb, by December 6th i was in the hospital for 5 days of steroids...then 3 weeks of oral at home... I am very lucky for the recovery I have had but this this MS has sent me in to full on depression that I have been fighting for years. I have spent almost everyday reading info and all of you guys stories and I feel bad for feeling sorry for myself but I am just so sad and just want to know if any of you all went through this.? Thank you for being here wrighting and fighting it gives me strength and hope!
  • beaurylancambria
    Absolutely! I had only had symptoms for a couple weeks, so to say I was shocked, is an understatement. Sad, mad, angry, in denial, then sad, mad, angry and in denial again! It took me about a year to accept what was happening. It has been a little over 3 years. It does get better. You will find, that your attitude not only will affect your mental health, but your physical as well. My fear was my life was over. It wasn't. Of course some things had to be adjusted, but my life is very full. It takes time, but you will get there.
  • bcavos
    Thank you, it's good to hear someone understands my family are doing their best but they just want me to be okay and fight to keep happy. All well meaning but it is hard to pick myself up right now, I know I will from you all, it just seems so far away right now. I got some antidepressants and really hoping for a boost!
  • murrayms
    Yes.  I had been walking it off for over a decade at least, as I was always at work, and really couldn't afford not to be.  I  fell at work and went to the ER the next day, a Friday.  On Tuesday I had an eval at an Orthopedic Group, then was scheduled for an appointment with a Spinal Orthopedist 3 weeks later.  I thought it was from a car accident 6 years earlier that I had been is excruciating pain since I thought from.

    In that time I more than went numb, my left side paralyzed 100% on my left side and somehow I still believed it was from the fall, as it was opposite side from where I ad been dealing with such pain.  Within 10 minutes checking me out, he asked if I ever saw a Neurologist, and had me wheeled across the street back to the ER.  For 15 1/2 hours I had every test known to man, including 5 1/2 hours in the tube.  Such pain!  Then I was admitted at 4 am and after breakfast informed of MS.  Five days high dose Solumedrol, then discharged by ambulance and brought to Acute Inpatient Rehab for 10 days.  The majority of the symptoms have not subsided, and I have every one for the most part.  I pushed myself, wrongly, because I wanted to get back to work.  I have not returned since that day, 3/31/2016, and have not driven since that day after.  I lost everything, for the most part fast-tracked to SSDI, however over a year until I made a dollar, and I did not apply until nearly 8 months after I was diagnosed.  I have an amazing healthcare team, MS Neuro, Neuro Uro, Physiologist, etc., but it has not gotten better for me, however, I push, I laugh, I cry, but I stay positive.  Because now I know why I am always told to stay positive, so keep myself from losing it.  I also don't use it as an excuse, but I flip on people that tell me I can't blame it for everything because in my case, it is the reason for everything, and I walked through hell dealing with it for years, and never complained, or said a word.   I wish my family wasn't spread across the country, I wish I had money, and I wish I had a little more help without asking for it because I won't, even someone to talk to, but I don't, so I deal.

    Onward and upward I won't quit, but feeling like I do, being told what I am about total and permanent, I do know this:  Something has to give and somehow get better than this because at 43, I definitely can't deal with life like this.  I do not have depression though, I am in tune with the realization of my reality, and yeah currently I am being told much won't get better and the hope is simply that it does not get worse.  Totally not a fan of the only that act like they wanna help is supported by Pharma, or the folks that want me to raise money for their exploits that seem to only be active in March.  I feel ya sister, send my love and light and hope you have strong and good support.
  • bcavos
    I am so greatful for your words you have certainly been through hell and back yet your attitude is strong and courageous thank you for sharing you are so brave and I feel honored that you shared with me I will take it in my heart as I face this hope you all the best! Love and light to you in all your days!
  • klg-123
    I definitely went through this! I had a 2 week bout of blurry vision and nothing else. I didn't "feel sick" and the blurry vision had resolved on its own. Tests, diagnosis and meds within a month - shock was an understatement! I was in a panic that life as I knew it was over. It took me about 9 months to calm down and not be anxiety ridden every minute of every day. It took me about a year to feel like myself again and have the confidence to make plans for the future - vacations, accepting invitations to events, etc. It is now 2.5 years later and I am just living my life as it comes. I work full time, go on vacation, etc. - I am not allowing this diagnosis to control my life anymore. It is a process and talking through this forum was a huge help to me. Just take it one day at a time and find a good support system - whether that be family, friends, professionals, people here or all of the above. Take care of yourself and best wishes for you!
  • bcavos
    Thank you for your words it brings me comfort to hear you are doing so well! I will take it one day at a time to the best of my ability right now and know that it will be okay!!
  • cantstopwontstop
    It’s really hard to read others and how they “find out” because we are all SO different. I hope you don’t feel this way forever! We all have good days and bad as they say. I was diagnosed on 12/7/17 so I feel those initial what the heck feelings. I did not find out in the same ways, but I feel your emotions. I have learned the better you keep your mindset the better you will be. I hope you are recovering well!
  • bcavos
    Thank you I also hope you are well!! It is hard to read others stories, yet it also give hope and understanding, I am so greatful for your hopes, I am physically well the emotional aspect is what got me but I got some antidepressants and just trying to do my best to live in the moment. Thank you again!
  • gabrielle519
    Bcavos,

    Welcome, I am so sorry about your diagnosis. I too had depression and anxiety. Don't feel bad about feeling sorry for your self that is totally allowed. Yes, it is normal your life has changed it is scary. I was scared actually terrified. I was going to nursing school. My fight didn't stop after I was diagnosed because I got bad for a while where I couldn't even work. It took a long time to heal from that. I became very depressed not only that I felt alone as well, but I fought. I fought hard and came back up. There is a lot of hope. A lot of research and new treatments.

    I also saw a psychologist and psychiatrist this really helped me talk let my frustrations, fears, and sadness out. I am now doing so well. I love my life and I have so much hope. Good luck!

    Gabrielle
  • bcavos
    Thank you for your words! I am glad you are doing better! I have a therapist and she helps it is just nice to talk with people who understand even though we are all very different... Thank you again! 
  • MS_Navigators
    Welcome, bcavos!  I'm so happy you found us!

    MS Navigator Jess
  • cantstopwontstop
    BCavos,

    anytime! I hope whatever they have for you is working. I believe that speaking to others that have been in my shoes has really changed things for me. The first real life person I met with MS was a patient at my job. I had no idea he even had it until I heard a nurse say he did, so I immediately had to ask him if he minded talking about it. It was pretty quick after I was diagnosed so hearing and seeing his outlooks being diagnosed 18 years ago really showed me a lot.

    emotions are so hard with this, especially being a human! I mean I think I get more emotional about things now than I ever have.

    keep fighting the good fight, I’m definitely better, but I know I’ll feel better once I start my treatment regiment for this. Just have to make some big decisions!

    KT