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  • TrishSue
     I feel so alone tonight........its horrible!
    I am with a man who claims to love me...he gets mad if I ask him to help me clean...he gets mad just to get mad I think...I hurt my back  cuz I over did it.....he knows I cant move my things by myself and that I have nobody here to help me and no place to go...
    I gave up my apartment of 11 yrs to move here with a man who said he loved me and wanted to marry me...my MS has him scared I think....
    now he says hes not ready...2 years later???
    I am in limbo waiting until Mr Imnot ready gets ready.
    OMGOSH!!!
    I NEED A HUG RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!! 
  • kzak4151
    TrishSue:  Not a problem - I will email you!!!  I'm an early riser - you?  I live by Cedar Point!!!  I'm exactly 1/2 way between Cleveland and Toledo.
  • kzak4151
    Here is one of the poems I wrote way back when and got published in my book.

    Myself

    For I am me, not anyone else
    I’m not “different”, I am just myself.
    Don’t try to lead me, or take my hand
    On “my” two feet, I will try to stand.

    I may be stubborn, set in my ways
    In the long run, I’m the one who pays.
    Though hurdles are hard, to over come
    Once I have, I’m proud of what I’ve done.

    Don’t change me, to meet “your ideal”
    I won’t play games, I’m not “your seal”.
    It’s taken me years, to finally see
    I’m no one else, for I am just “me”!

  • maria1
    kzak,
    Good things come in small packages. My favorite line is being proud of what I've done. It is the doing that counts, it doesn't matter whether it is right at wrong, it is just the doing that counts. No matter what is wrong with you, or not, just doing is what counts. It rings true it rings clear, what you do with the time you have, the little minutes that make up your life. Do your best, and then you can live with all the rest. Thank you. Sharing your poems, they cover alot and make it all, all right. cool, maria
  • kzak4151
    I wrote this while sitting in my doctor's office...

    The Unknown

    I’m sitting and waiting, to meet with my doc,
    The time passes slowly, while watching the clock.

    I have a disease, and some days aren’t the best,
    I swear some ones putting, me through my life’s test.

    Won’t know how I’ll feel, until I awake,
    Will I act like myself or more like a flake?

    My thinking and talking, sometimes they both lag,
    I will go to the store, and forget a bag.

    That darn short term memory, is the worst of all
    I try handling the rest, even when I fall.

    I have to write notes, though they seem like a book
    I must write down a note, to make sure I look.

    Sometimes I forget things, important ones too,
    Like blowing out candles, or know what to do.

    The kids say they’ve asked me, remembering… not!
    But they are so happy, for what they just got.

    There’s good days and bad days, I just never know
    Will my eyes go wacky, or stub my big toe?

    I must always laugh, or I’d sit and I’d cry
    Oops, I burnt our dinner, but gave it a try.

    The doorways seem smaller, like when I pass by
    I hit the walls, with my knees or thigh.

    I don’t want your pity, or sit all day long
    I always keep active, it helps me stay strong.

    I’ll trip over nothing, I laugh when I do
    I hate when that happens, my foot sticks like glue.

    This disease has no cure, they call it MS
    Hopefully they’ll find, what causes this BS.

  • my_shana
    kzak4151 wrote: I wrote this while sitting in my doctor's office...

    The Unknown

    I’m sitting and waiting, to meet with my doc,
    The time passes slowly, while watching the clock.

    I have a disease, and some days aren’t the best,
    I swear some ones putting, me through my life’s test.

    Won’t know how I’ll feel, until I awake,
    Will I act like myself or more like a flake?

    My thinking and talking, sometimes they both lag,
    I will go to the store, and forget a bag.

    That darn short term memory, is the worst of all
    I try handling the rest, even when I fall.

    I have to write notes, though they seem like a book
    I must write down a note, to make sure I look.

    Sometimes I forget things, important ones too,
    Like blowing out candles, or know what to do.

    The kids say they’ve asked me, remembering… not!
    But they are so happy, for what they just got.

    There’s good days and bad days, I just never know
    Will my eyes go wacky, or stub my big toe?

    I must always laugh, or I’d sit and I’d cry
    Oops, I burnt our dinner, but gave it a try.

    The doorways seem smaller, like when I pass by
    I hit the walls, with my knees or thigh.

    I don’t want your pity, or sit all day long
    I always keep active, it helps me stay strong.

    I’ll trip over nothing, I laugh when I do
    I hate when that happens, my foot sticks like glue.

    This disease has no cure, they call it MS
    Hopefully they’ll find, what causes this BS.



  • my_shana
    kzak4151 wrote: I wrote this while sitting in my doctor's office...

    The Unknown

    I’m sitting and waiting, to meet with my doc,
    The time passes slowly, while watching the clock.

    I have a disease, and some days aren’t the best,
    I swear some ones putting, me through my life’s test.

    Won’t know how I’ll feel, until I awake,
    Will I act like myself or more like a flake?

    My thinking and talking, sometimes they both lag,
    I will go to the store, and forget a bag.

    That darn short term memory, is the worst of all
    I try handling the rest, even when I fall.

    I have to write notes, though they seem like a book
    I must write down a note, to make sure I look.

    Sometimes I forget things, important ones too,
    Like blowing out candles, or know what to do.

    The kids say they’ve asked me, remembering… not!
    But they are so happy, for what they just got.

    There’s good days and bad days, I just never know
    Will my eyes go wacky, or stub my big toe?

    I must always laugh, or I’d sit and I’d cry
    Oops, I burnt our dinner, but gave it a try.

    The doorways seem smaller, like when I pass by
    I hit the walls, with my knees or thigh.

    I don’t want your pity, or sit all day long
    I always keep active, it helps me stay strong.

    I’ll trip over nothing, I laugh when I do
    I hate when that happens, my foot sticks like glue.

    This disease has no cure, they call it MS
    Hopefully they’ll find, what causes this BS.



  • kzak4151
    This one is in my book as well...

    Living with MS

    M any people don’t
    U nderstand all the
    L imitations we face.
    T hese affect each
    I ndividual differently yet
    P eople continue to    
    L augh when we
    E xperience “MS Moments”

    S ome moments like:
    C ognitive and memory
    L oss along with
    E xtreme fatigue can
    R uin plans with
    O thers because even
    S tress can make
    I ndividuals with MS
    S uffer a relapse

  • kzak4151
    Some my humor coming out!

    The Aging Process

    Many years ago, when we were all young,
    We really thought life, would be so much fun.
    While playing dress-up, trying on mom’s stuff,
    Putting on make-up, we found to be tough.

    Then came our schooling, and boy things would change,
      “Those aren’t our parents”, when they acted strange.
      Sometimes they were hip, but old-fashioned too,
      That’s something I swore, I would never do.

    Wishing you were older, adults had it made,
    They would do nothing, yet still would be paid.
    That is how little, we all had known,
    We surely found out, once we were grown.

    Loving the twenties, we’d go out with friends,
    When we went shopping, we followed the trends.
      Doing what we wanted, and staying out late,
      It didn’t matter, what time we all ate.

    Then came the thirties, and most of us wed,
    Watch what you wish for, my parents had said
    We had to work hard, many bills to pay,
    I guess they were right, what more can I say

    Raising your children, was hardest of all,
    Needing some advice, your parent’s you’d call.
    It seemed so easy, they needed no rest,
    now it’s your turn, you learned from the best.

    The forties arrived, that was a shocker,
    We’d spend lots of time, just at the doctor
    Back aches and headaches, so tired you’d be,
    Trying not to cough, or else you would pee.

    The fifties would come, and your grandkids too,
    Where were your glasses? You hadn’t a clue.
    You searched here and there, and under the bed,
      “Hey grandma” they laughed, “They’re right on your head”.

    Here come the sixties, now let’s have some fun,
    You are retired; your work is all done.
    To dinner with friends, you dressed and you wait,
    They never show up, you have the wrong date.

    Now the seventies, with friends playing games,
    If only you could, remember their names.
    You try hard to hide, those under-eye bags,
    Gravity happens, and everything sags.

    Enjoy every day, and have a good laugh,
    All the steps you took, led down a new path.
    Live life as it comes, each year a new page,
    One thing is for sure, everyone will age.
  • kzak4151
    OMG...I'm actually admitting it!  LOL

    CONTROL

    I’m a control freak, for this much I know,
    I hate to admit, but I can’t let go.
    For I must face it, there’s no turning back,
    But then who’s counting, or who’s keeping track?

    My friends always know, that I’ll drive my car,
    Even when traveling, not really that far.
    I won’t fly on planes; no it’s not the fare,
    They will not give me, that darn pilot’s chair.

    I feel the need, to always protect,
    Bad things can happen, so let’s not forget.
    Kids think they know all, and safe they will be,
    But what if high winds, take down someone’s tree?

    Going on field trips, they won’t make a fuss,
    My kids don’t want me, to ride on their bus.
    “Bus drivers are good, and go somewhat slow”,
    They will assure me, so I will not go.

    When they start driving, I’m nothing but nerves,
    “Make sure you go slow, especially round curves”.
    “Where are you going to, and coming back home?”
    “Don’t text while you drive, or talk on your phone.”

    “Alright mom” they say, while walking away,
    “We sure do love you, we will be okay.”
    I worry until, in the door they come,
    I ask them calmly, “Did you both have fun?”

    I know when they’re gone, I cannot patrol,
    It is very hard, giving up control.
    When they grow older, a family they start,
    They too will control, it comes from the heart.
  • TrishSue
    OMGOSH!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOUR POEMS!!!!!!!!!!!
    GIRL YOU ROCK with writing!!!!!!!!!!!
  • TrishSue
    WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  :  )
    LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!
  • kzak4151
    Thank you Maria!
  • TrishSue
    My situation is not like your normal situation...I left my independence and my apartment of 11 years to follow my heart to the man I love....all the way to Ohio...so now I am living in "his" house...I have some stuff here....but it is HIS house....
    I am just trying to make the best of things and hoping when he finds a job things will get better....he was injured in Jan...umbilical hernia surgery was June 18th...his workmans comp runs out Sept 4th...and then IDK whats gonna happen? School starts Aug 22nd....hopefully I will get some sub jobs soon...I will hafta save up and just hangin in there for now I'm afraid. I do not know anyone here In Ohio....it sucks I cant talk to anyone... I spend most of the time outside...or in the room reading watching tv....or cleaning....
    I am praying...thats about all I can do...
    thanks for everyones support and comments!
    (((HUGS)))
  • kzak4151
    Near Cedar Point (the Amusement Park) - about 20 minutes from there.  Milan!!!
  • kzak4151
    Thank you - it's my hidden talent  - more like my frustrated journal writing.  LOL
  • joynerthedad
     I feel so alone tonight........its horrible!
    I am with a man who claims to love me...he gets mad if I ask him to help me clean...he gets mad just to get mad I think...I hurt my back  cuz I over did it.....he knows I cant move my things by myself and that I have nobody here to help me and no place to go...
    I gave up my apartment of 11 yrs to move here with a man who said he loved me and wanted to marry me...my MS has him scared I think....
    now he says hes not ready...2 years later???
    I am in limbo waiting until Mr Imnot ready gets ready.
    OMGOSH!!!
    I NEED A HUG RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!! 
    OK, hug has been sent.

    You have a good night.
  • andie6582
    ((((HUGS))))
  • TrishSue
    THANKS SO MUCH!!!
    ((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))
  • TrishSue
    Finding a studio apartment is hard work around the Cincy area...and everythings so blasted expensive here...I am temporarily staying with my friend and her hubby...I stay up in my room when he is home...try to stay out of their way...it can be verey lonely up here.....

    I have my storage shed, PO Box now and allof my things are here with me except my bedroom suit, sofa table and rocking chair...waiting to get help gettin those things.

    I know I did the right thing for me...it just sucks is all....
    Thanks!