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  • Rich1007
    How many of you experienced this intimacy issue from your significant other (wife/husband) and what did you do about it?  
  • Rose1
    I have talked to my husband several times about this very issue. He has assured be that he still finds me attractive and desirable. I have a hard time believing that he could. This is my preception and I think I probally reafirm that preception in the way I act towards him, and yes it does have a negative effect on intimacy.
     
    Your question has made me think again, I should not make it so diffucult for my husband to love me. When he tells me I am desirable I should believe him and not think to myself, "how could he possibly love me like this." 
    Just talk with your wife!
  • THERESAF
    HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT HIM?
    I AM  SAD MOST OF THE TIME AND CRY.
    I KNOW THAT'S NOT ATTRACTIVE>BUT WHAT CAN I DO?
  • THERESAF
    Rose, How can I know if my husband wants me out of his life?
    I completly rely on him, and cannot be alone!
    That's a nusense isn't it?
    TheresaF
  • sreynolds5118
    Rose1 wrote: I have talked to my husband several times about this very issue. He has assured be that he still finds me attractive and desirable. I have a hard time believing that he could. This is my preception and I think I probally reafirm that preception in the way I act towards him, and yes it does have a negative effect on intimacy.
     
    Your question has made me think again, I should not make it so diffucult for my husband to love me. When he tells me I am desirable I should believe him and not think to myself, "how could he possibly love me like this." 
    Just talk with your wife!


    i had this problem and discovered when I changed my anit-depression meds the urge and feeling came back. 

  • THERESAF
    How do I know my husband
  • THERESAF
    How can I know my husband wants to stay?
    My parents are dead so I would be alone if he kicks me out!
  • sathom13
    Rose1 wrote: I have talked to my husband several times about this very issue. He has assured be that he still finds me attractive and desirable. I have a hard time believing that he could. This is my preception and I think I probally reafirm that preception in the way I act towards him, and yes it does have a negative effect on intimacy.
     
    Your question has made me think again, I should not make it so diffucult for my husband to love me. When he tells me I am desirable I should believe him and not think to myself, "how could he possibly love me like this." 
    Just talk with your wife!



    I can completely relate to this. I find it to be all one sided (my side). Since I find it harder to climax I feel like a bad wife. I don't want my husband to think that it's because of him that I can no longer reach a climax as easily as it used to be. He repeatedly tells me that he loves me and finds me attractive. 

    It's a touchy and difficult subject to broach. Communication is key though.
  • problemchild
    to Rose1 

               i understand how feel my spouse and i r going thru the same problems right now he tells me he loves me but wont be intimate with me because i have mood swings and he doesnt like it.

    I tried to make him understand that i am in menapause  and have ms and taking alot of medications and maybe not an excuse for some of the this i do but he doesnt understand  when u r use to being the provider and now all u do is sit in front of the tv   its a difficult change  he thinks oh u got it easy u dont have to do anything  and he doesnt let me so what good am i???/
  • capitolcarol
    I have the same perception that my husband doesn't find me desirable or love me, and it is hard to believe that he still would.  It has been very difficult dealing with MS and more times than not I can't even bathe myself which is really so demeaning,  It feels like sometimes that he might be thinking of divorcing me which would be devastataing.  I am trying to be upbeat and positive for both of our sakes'
  • zissi2
    Wow this is amazing to see this all and great at the same time. I was starting to think there was something wrong with me. What you are saying is exactly what I am going through. My husband doesn't sleep with me at all. I also treat him mean because I feel not wanted or sexy and I also feel bad about it at the same time, and maybe that's why he doesn't want me. He acts like he wants me only when he knows we can't be together cause kids are around and then later he say, when I say something to him about never wanting me, so he'll say I wanted you but you didn't want but what to say to him, because what could I do really with kids around. I just don't feel very womanly anymore or desired at all even if I am told sweet little things here and there because I just stopped believing them. Then he'll say to me that every time he says something nice that I just brush him off our say whatever, but way am I supposed to feel, it's the way he makes me feel. I tell him actions speak louder than words, and he just says it's not all about sex. Well it's not but isn't some of it about sex? I just want to feel like a woman and desired a little and sexy through somekind of action. Is that asking to much? Am I nuts? Is there something wrong with me for feeling this way?
  • kyheartstrings
    Hi, rich.  Fairly new to group, and just glansing at topics that I can relate to.  And this is one.  Shortly after my marriage, 20 yrs ago, my husband lost interest.  Don't know if it's because of the MS that hadn't been diagnosed 'till 3 yrs later, or if it's because he's 14 yrs older than me, and has COPD.  After about 12 yrs, I decided to "get gorgious", and lost 110 lbs.  Didn't help. Discouaged, I've gained back about 70, sad to say.  Should have lost it for ME, and kept it off for ME, because I felt a lot better when I was thin.  Because he doesn't want to "start something" (that probably can't be "finished"), he won't hold my hand, kiss me, ect..THAT'S what I need the MOST right now.  I have and WILL remain faithful, because of my love for him, although it's difficult for me, as a woman whose 49, and feels as though I'm not beautiful anymore.  (Ya don't get a lot of "winks" when you're carrying a cane) lol  YES, it hurts, but if there's anything else that you feel for her, I'd hang in there, and try to enjoy other things in life.  Wishing the best for you and yours, kyheartstrings.
  • rsangfarm


    Instead of using a cane I use treking poles sold at Walmart for around $15...use one or two.  I use them for walking as much as I can on a path.  They are better than a cane and people ask me where are my skis...LOL

     

    GOD'S BLESSINGS,

     

  • traceyfm
    I feel like I know exactly what you're saying!  My husband says I'm still desirable but I don't see it in his actions :-(  We haven't had an intimate physical relationship in at least 10-15 years.  The closest we get is a kiss at nite and sleeping in the same bed.  It's very discouraging...we've talked about it, but nothing ever seems to change.  And yes, I've tried to be the initiator, but that doesn't help either.  So, maybe it's a combination of things...,me and my issues as well as his.... It's all a 'tricky' situation and there's only so much one is able to do about it, because the MS unfortunately is not going away.
  • TrishSue
    This is a very sad situation that happens.....sad but true I'm afraid....... :(
    I was married almost 19 yrs, had 3 kids...we were in a Pentecostal church and very active members I might add...I taught "children's church" and taught bible studies...he had a QUOTE "Calling in the ministry".........until 1998 I began having numbness in my waistline down my legs and my feet began to not have any feeling in them at all.....I was diagnosed with MS....he went onto the internet and met a ####-puppy....the marriage ended in divorce. It was actually the best thing that ever happened to me...it was GOD'S will for my life to et out from that abusive marriage.....
  • drm90474
    TrishSue, I am currently going through something like this.  We were actually married for 20 years and he is the one with MS.  He found an old girlfriend from high school, and we have been yo-yo ing for the last 3 months.  Until the 31st when he left for good and moved her in with him at his mom & dad's.  He was diagnosed in 2003 and I went to work to support him and our 2 children.  I am feeling very betrayed and hurt at this point.  I was trying to find out if this is something common in MS?  Do the cognitive issues affect major decisions and relationships like that?  I have been nothing but supportive towards his MS.  Just looking for some help.
  • drm90474
    TrishSue, I am currently going through something like this.  We were actually married for 20 years and he is the one with MS.  He found an old girlfriend from high school, and we have been yo-yo ing for the last 3 months.  Until the 31st when he left for good and moved her in with him at his mom & dad's.  He was diagnosed in 2003 and I went to work to support him and our 2 children.  I am feeling very betrayed and hurt at this point.  I was trying to find out if this is something common in MS?  Do the cognitive issues affect major decisions and relationships like that?  I have been nothing but supportive towards his MS.  Just looking for some help.
  • THERESAF
    There are many people out there who don't have MS, but the ones who stay are better!
  • TrishSue
    What people hafta remember is....the word Intimacy means...IN-TO-ME-U-SEE....
    You have to see into your mate's heart and be intimate in other ways...not just in the bedroom. Holding hands is intimate....cuddling is intimate...putting your arms around her while she washes dishes is intimate.
    Calling her cell phone when she is out shoppin just to say "I LOVE YOU" is a real cool romantic thing to do!
    Just be creative! : )
    (((((HUGS))))
    TRish Sue
  • diona
    So agree with you Sue. Other little things can be very intmate but I get none of them from my spouse (he is the one with MS.) Hand holding, any form of cuddling, is nonexistant. I can only encourage it so much. Have tried to no avail. No talking about it either. Just the way things are. Emotionally he is just not here and it makes him very undersirable to me. He is not limited physically in any way that we have not been able to deal with but connecting in any way other than a quicky just does not happen and to me that is not "connecting" It is mainly the fatgue coming into play or just the plan lack of desire to see into me. It leaves me feeling so empy inside and angry that he is not stronger. I propably sound pretty selfish knowing he is the one with the MS:(