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  • Licorice-

    I likes what you wrote regarding intimacy. Are you a psychologist? Anyhow your words were real uplifting. 

     

    Susan

  • fpu4barbara
    My relationship just ended. my "boyfriend" has MS. I have shared with him that intimacy is not all about sex !  my love language is touching. your description above is exactly what i needed and wanted. We tried viagra once but, he had been drinking and the 2 don't mix...He had started to build walls. I don't know if it was the pressure i put on him to use viagra caused this...I was attracted to him sexually and shared this with him.  He always listened but, didn't share any of feelings. I miss him dearly...Maybe he will realize he lost the best thing that walked into his life.
  • fpu4barbara
    My relationship just ended. my "boyfriend" has MS. I have shared with him that intimacy is not all about sex !  my love language is touching. your description above is exactly what i needed and wanted. We tried viagra once but, he had been drinking and the 2 don't mix...He had started to build walls. I don't know if it was the pressure i put on him to use viagra caused this...I was attracted to him sexually and shared this with him.  He always listened but, didn't share any of feelings. I miss him dearly...Maybe he will realize he lost the best thing that walked into his life.
  • MS-SUCKS
    I was diagnosed before getting married. I told spouse that I would understand if they did not want to marry. Their repy was they would stay with me even if I ended up in a wheelchair. Well, ended up in a wheelchair, spouse cheated several times, then left, divorced.

    Moral of story, talk about it, participate in marriage, intamacy and sex counseling.

    Do not let spouse, or anyone, define your value, looks, or desirability!   
  • maria1
    Sex? what is sex?
  • THERESAF
    THEY HAVE BLOW-UP WOMEN. WHAT ABOUT MEN?
  • mdwilliams-
    spouse wont get st my supra pubic cath and besides fushing it 2x daily he cannot touch me fearing some thing maybre he will hurt methis frustrates and hurts me emotuionally.yeds he has to do nasty things but its mmy obese body not his i would be more supportinfg to his sexual needs if things turned around//
  • mdwilliams-
    maria1 wrote: Sex? what is sex?


  • THERESAF
    Maria, maybe you and need to get a (MALE) hooker!
  • THERESAF
    Sex is something I had before MS.
    Now, it's a memory.
  • bjbecker43

    maria1

    I felt the same way at one time. Finding a partner who loves me as I am has been the key. I not only feel better MS wise, but the sex is great. Don't give up.

  • maria1
    My cousin once told me that a little jealousy in a marriage is a good thing. Don't let them take you for granted. wink at someone, anyone, and let your spouse see it, and see what happens.

    Dont go blowing kisses, but make a little pass at someone, the kind of attention that is prevocative but not threatening. Smile maybe. Ot compliment a stranger, That is a beautiful dress, or that pin is very attractive, or, hey fella, that is a cool sweater.

    My partner starts to worry when I call his bowling buddy, :My pal. ot my friend' it keeps him on his toes.
  • ttf
    Rich,

      I cry and feel sorry for myself!
     it's hard to imagin being alone.

    Theresa
  • bjbecker43

    I lived totally alone for 2 years and convinced myself that I liked it that way. Then a wonderful man crossed my path. Now I can't imagine being alone again.

  • Bobo
    Maria and Pop-
    You both have the gift of insight to our lives with MS. Intimacy is hard to maintain with MS, as the caregiver gives much more than ordinary spouses must do. Weight gain/loss, differing levels of desire and response, ability to respond-all have an impact on our intertwined lives. After four decades, we must talk and ask how the other one is doing. When the talking slows down or stops, the hurt feelings begin and magnify. Separation and divorce may be the only solution if the other options have been tried unsuccessfully. Life alone will be rougher, but one has the solace of knowing he/she has given the marriage their best try and their pride/honesty to themselves remains strong. Honesty is the best avenue-stay true to yourself. Cheers.
  • Tracy_A_Todd
    Marriage / relationships are challenging w/without a chronic condition such as ours. I had to laugh and say, yep you're right to my my loving husband reminded me that there were things I used to say/do that I no longer say/do, and MS ain't got nothing to do with the change. Maybe he (all of our caregivers for that matter) needs to feels desirable too. Wrap yourself up in a bow and say I have an early gift for you, but you don't have to wait until the holiday to open it. :-)
  • THERESAF
    I can't tie a  bow anymore! and smile!
    SAD
  • Tracy_A_Todd
    ...oh forgot to mention that sometimes fear of physically hurting the other person can deter the spouse/partner from acting upon their desires...I eliminated soooo many hangups when I bluntly asked..."Does it bother you when I wear my wrist braces to bed?" He replied, "No, it scares me when you don't, because I don't want to hurt you/your hands."...Communication is key.
  • Charity
    Hi Rich,
    I believe that we all have been there at some point or another.  I get that feeling from time to time.  You did not say whether ur wife actually said this, or it is what YOU are thinking.
    I do know this, I know how u feel.  It is a very scary feeling.  I have been with my husband for 25 years, since we were both very young.  He has always been tan, muscular, blonde, and blue eyes.  He does framing of new homes at the beach.  He has seen and still sees beautiful women in bikinis.  I use to be a tiny framed, slim, blonde hair, and green eyed young lady.  I use to be a very outgoing, driven, busy, fun person.  Now, I am stuck at home (cuz I can't see to drive), I take naps during the day, there's so much I can't do now, and b-cuz I got cancer in my thyroid gland, I am no longer small and slim.  I have cried and cried over this and just know I am no longer attractive to him!
    However, I have talked to him several times and he has assured me that he is still very attracted to me.  Thinking about it, I realize that he smiles at me a lot, he "grabs" me a LOT, and he comes home EVERY day after work.  I also know that if things were the other way around that no matter what happened, I would still be very much attracted to HIM.  Love has a way of doing that.  I know that what I see and what HE sees are two different things (and he has even said that to me).
    So, think about THAT.  If it were the other way around, would u still find ur wife desirable?  Does she go to bed with u every night?  And TALK to her!!!  And, keep in mind that she more than likely sees something different than what YOU see.  Talk to her, buddy.  It's not fair to her that u are ""putting words in her mouth".  If she loves U (and I'm sure she does...she's still there isn't she?), I'll bet that you are still the handsome man she fell in love with from the beginning!  :)
  • joynerthedad
    How many of you experienced this intimacy issue from your significant other (wife/husband) and what did you do about it?  
    Ouch. 

    Sorry. Hello Rich.  I hope you have been well.  First off - I am divorced - so I don't know if i am the person to answer that.  If I am not mistaken...you just had a little one...and your wife has therefore been through a lot...not just physically, but emotionally as well.

    I would say express how you feel.  Tell her how much she means to you...
    ..and then...
    ...give her the space she needs.

    You can not make anyone feel a certain way about you...they have to do it on their own.

    I wish you only the best.

    Hang in and be strong.