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  • joynerthedad
    The love is still there for us. But I have to say the intimacy has decreased. Is it age? MS? Who knows. We have talked about it and it is energy for both of us. At least the kids are older and are out alot. Don't have stay up too late!
    There is a bright side to everything...you just have to look for it.
  • clarinetmom
    I took the plunge and suggested last night that two years living like battling roomates without sex was long enough, and that we should either see a counselor or separate. He was surprised that it had been that long! I'd like to hear from others who have tried to reignite the relationship, because I'm not optimistic anymore.
  • THERESAF
    I have mentioned to my husband that he hasn't wanted me for a long long time!
    He says he has to much work to do!
    I understand---but I still want to be "WANTED"
    TheresaF
  • THERESAF
    It's been since 2001 my husband has touched me!
    Now he says I'm too heavy for him to lift me...
    I'm sorry!
    TheresaF
  • sensiblecc
    Been a long time here too. Menopausal symptoms don't help! My husband gives me all kinds of reasons not to make love. That it's because I'm tired, in pain, he doesn't want to hurt me. I just want it! Thought he just wasn't interested anymore until I found porn sites on his phone. yeah. I feel I've been replaced. I keep trying to deal with being a 'roommate', but it is so hard to sleep next to someone who doesn't want you anymore. My heart breaks every night. Sometimes I sleep on the couch just to not have the constant reminder lying next to me. And I have a 'vibe', but I really just want to be touched! I need it like I need air to breathe. Sorry I'm not really helping any, but I wanted to share to let you know you aren't alone. If I find an answer, I will post it!
  • joynerthedad
    We've been married for 25 years, and haven't been intimate for a while. I get tired of saying no and he gets tired of asking. We basically live like room mates. No pity, please. I'm fine with it, and figure we'll find our way back eventually. Only one more kid to get out of the house, and then we'll see...
    Girl!  I hear they come back!  I'm telling you!  Scared me so bad I bought a place in the mountains.  Figured if they don't leave I will!

    Watch out battling banjos...
    ...what's a chasin' me away is far more frightening than you!
  • joynerthedad
    Being single for so long has taugh me a lot....and, believe it or not, I do get to enjoy the very best that Ladies have to offer....their friendship.  I have enjoyed it greatly over the past several years...yet something always rears its ugly head...and turns something so joyful into some thing so wrong.

    They have always been there throught the years...never the saem on mind you...but there none the less...
    ...to help me with advice about my daugthers...
    ....and it has been much appreciated.

    Much to most guys advice...
    ...I did not go out and find a Lady to take care of them for me...
    ...they are my children...
    ...and therefore mine to raise.

    The thought of parading Ladies in and out of teh house in front of my daughters did not appeal to me anyway...

    This week I bough flowers for a Lady...because she told me it was her birthday.  Beats me...just saw the flowers and thought it would be nice.

    ...and there it was again...

    ...I just thought it would be nicefor someone to do something for you on your birthday.

    I get the feeling that is not exactly how the rest of the world takes it though.

    So I am going to continue to be supportive of my daughters...
    ...and when I am doen raising them I intend to spend some time alone in the mountains..
    ...give me a chance to reflect on things.

    I enjoyed the talk Ladies...

    ...hope you have a good day.
  • Michraf
    We've been married for 25 years, and haven't been intimate for a while. I get tired of saying no and he gets tired of asking. We basically live like room mates. No pity, please. I'm fine with it, and figure we'll find our way back eventually. Only one more kid to get out of the house, and then we'll see...
    No pity here. There are times we are so glad it doesn't even come up.  To me a good relationship and being friends comes before the other stuff anyway. That seems to take more work anyway.
  • Michraf
    Girl!  I hear they come back!  I'm telling you!  Scared me so bad I bought a place in the mountains.  Figured if they don't leave I will!

    Watch out battling banjos...
    ...what's a chasin' me away is far more frightening than you!
    Mine aren't even out yet. Have a while I guess. The older one starts college next year. Wants to go away. Works for me, I don't want to know what goes on anyway. Besides studying anyway. I say once their both out we are selling and down sizing. We'll see what really happens!
  • clarinetmom
    My mom says the same thing, right before telling me I should "take care" of him! I do appreciate that he tries to take care of me, and puts up with my menopause rage! I do feed him right, which is all I can handle right now.
  • THERESAF
    I married my husband 25years ago also.
    I used to be a nurse, but now have MS!
    He feeds ME
      
  • clarinetmom
    Mine aren't even out yet. Have a while I guess. The older one starts college next year. Wants to go away. Works for me, I don't want to know what goes on anyway. Besides studying anyway. I say once their both out we are selling and down sizing. We'll see what really happens!
    I think we all need to listen to Cheech and Chong's 3 little pigs! They come home and "I think somebody moved"!
  • joynerthedad
    Mine aren't even out yet. Have a while I guess. The older one starts college next year. Wants to go away. Works for me, I don't want to know what goes on anyway. Besides studying anyway. I say once their both out we are selling and down sizing. We'll see what really happens!
    Actually that is a really good plan.

    I don't want to know what happens either.  I am their father, not their friend.  I want them to have a good start in life...so they can continue to live here and I can live in the mountains.

    I know everyone talks about grandchildren and kids coming back...but to be honest...I did more than my share of raising children...so a distant advisory role will do just fine.

    As far as intimacy and relationships...I don't even date...so I am not one to even comment on that subject. 
    Maybe canoe off into the sunset?
  • maria1
    For me it is LIFE that rears it;s ugly head
    not enough time for anything]
    time must be spent tending to the immediate
    and relationships take a back seat

    A friend, a bowler, bought some flowers for a lady on his bowling team for her birthday and she went ballistic on him. We are still wondering why?
  • THERESAF
    MAYBE SHE DOSN'T WANT P.D.A.(public display of affection)
  • Aquatic10
    Sounds like she had some issues of her own. Or maybe there was something else going on. Personally, I love flowers and really appreciate a kind gesture from somebody who remembers my birthday.
  • joynerthedad
    For me it is LIFE that rears it;s ugly head
    not enough time for anything]
    time must be spent tending to the immediate
    and relationships take a back seat

    A friend, a bowler, bought some flowers for a lady on his bowling team for her birthday and she went ballistic on him. We are still wondering why?
    If you figure it out let me know.  Personally, I just think it is nice.
  • maria1
    Perhaps you must first decide if you want to keep him, then if the answer is yes, do everything you can to keep him, if you want to keep him woo him.

    But first you ,must decide, what YOU want to happen,, then follow your heart.
  • clarinetmom
    At this point, I'm really not sure! Just the fact that he had no idea it had been so long since we'd been intimate tells me that he really doesn't care and is only going through his "caregiver" duties. He's just turned 52. Isn't it unusual that he has no need for sex? What can a counselor do for someone like that? I wonder if my finally confronting him was an act of courage or recklessness brought out by super pain meds! I'm dreadfully unhappy, so maybe I'm just hoping he makes the decision to finally leave me. I wish I knew!
  • maria1
    sex and love are not the same thing. intimacy is not sex. passion is not sex.

    do you think he has a lover.

    divorce is a sure step that brings one very close to poverty.

    maybe you need a vacation away from him.
    you can go for a weekend at respite care.
    or spend two days at a motel.
    think it through.
    it is a very big move.
    one you can not undo. only liz could, and we don't look like her.

    think about what will make you happy, if you can't figure that out
    think about what makes you unhappy