Dealing with fatigue, brain fog, and other quirky symptoms is what I deal with. On the outside, I look fine. But I get in my head and think that people are thinking that I am lazy, heck sometimes I think that I am lazy. It seems a fine line between depression and fatigue symptoms. Now here is one of the ugly internal symptoms, I am having trouble with words to write this. I feel like I am constantly fighting with myself. Please, someone, let me know that I am not losing my mind.
Good news! You are not losing your mind! I could have written your post. There is such a fine line between wanting to appear as if your fine and yet wanting acknowledgement because your not. I feel like it's something we all struggle with. I had a friend tell me that I make it look so easy having MS that it must not be a big deal. Ouch! It's a good thing we have other, because you don't get it, until you get it!
You are not alone and it sure isn't all in your head. I find I have to take frequent breaks. I feel lazy but its not if I don't take breaks I'll start falling over then it becomes dangerous to me. I try to push sometimes too. Then I get depressed because I just can't do it. its a vicious cycle that very few people can relate too. No one can see it. Sometimes I too feel alone because people without MS cannot understand. Thanks for sharing this with everyone!
Sometimes it is difficult to separate ourselves from the ms. Think about you pre-ms, were you functioning, were you doing your best, were you succeding in all you attempted, did you make good use of your time? Of course you did, so why should you think less of yourself when, will ms you are unable. It is ms, it is not you or who you are. All the self deprecating and doubt just makes it worse, like you putting fuel on the fire, making your life miserable. Why beat up on yourself? It is just ms messin with your head, tomorrow it may wind up messin with someplace else .