My husband is a manly man, and that has always been a source of conflict in my marriage. He expected me to move in and be his mother - to cook, clean, mend, sew, all of that "women's work" stuff that just doesn't interest me. We met late in life. I was a feminist and a career woman. I owned my own home. I had taken care of myself for decades. I travelled all over the world by myself. I was courageous and competent.
When he asked me to share my life with him I decided I would only do it if it did not change my values and identity. There were a few red flags early on, which I chose to ignore. As soon as I moved in he told his housekeeper that he didn't need her any more. His dad made comments about me hanging clothing on a line in our basement. But I maintained my focus on my work and my self-actualization.
Every thing was OK while I was working, but now that I'm on disability that's no longer true. My husband encouraged me to go on disability. He said he was worried that the stress of my job would cause my disease to progress. As it turns out he had other reasons for me to stop working outrside our home. He thought I would trade my work for the work he wanted me to do - housework.
No work is no work. Housework is work. If I can't work; I can't do housework. That's pretty simple isn't it?
I fell in the kitchen while unloading the dishwasher. I thought that incident would prove my point and get him to see reality. He's a bit too thick-headed for that. He still whines every time he has to wash out a cup. My stress level is through the roof. It's all attributable to him. Sometimes I think that I would be healthier if I got away from him and his whining.
I hate being in this position. I love him. When I committed to be with him for keeps; I meant it. My recent change in health status has shown me just how precious every single day of life is. I'm unhappy. There is no reason for me to spend the rest of my brief and precious life feeling this way. Increasing the dose of my antidepressant is not a useful suggestion. Love isn't supposed to hurt, nor is it supposed to require pharmaceutical intervention.
I'm stuck and I don't know what to do.
Thanks for reading/listening.