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  • MS_Navigators

    MS affects everyone in the family — and both members of a couple are likely to have strong feelings about the unpredictable changes it brings to their lives. Finding comfortable ways to talk about the disease and its impact can be very difficult. Learning how to share feelings and concerns is essential to maintaining a healthy relationship.
     

    Share your questions and experiences below and check back later this month as we discuss relationships and intimacy with health psychologist, Dr. Peggy Crawford.

     

  • cpiccola

    I have a question about MS and orgasmic response. Is this the proper forum for questions that I have?

  • angelsoul2

    I hope so because I too have issues and questions???

  • Maura

    Yes, please feel free to add your questions here.

  • pattys86

    I would imagine it's as good forum as any.  I can be honest about my experience.  Although I still enjoy intercourse.  The closeness and connectivity- I am a bit "numb" vaginally.  I am not sure how else to explain in.  In terms of orgasm- I have not experienced one - at least not as I used to in several years.  Sex is still enjoyable- it's just different from before.

     

    patty

  • caroleighmcclain
    Thanks for being so brave! I have numbness and orgasm difficulty as well and need answers too! I spoke with my doctor and now I'm  trying acupuncture. Anyone else try acupuncture for this?
  • pattys86

    I grieve cuddling.....

    with a very acute intolerance to heat, it is often difficult to cuddle with my husband because his very body heat can cause me to be too hot and uncomfortable.  I sleep with a fan on. Even with the fan, I can't have extra pillows around me etc, as that alone causes me o feel too hot.  I used to really enjoy spooning against my husband- it was the safest place in the world for me- I really grieve that i can't enjoy that anymore.....

  • angelsoul2

    I grieve for the same thing except that I miss snuggling because I am alone in my room and he is in the other room. ..I am so lonely ,,,,,I miss the intimacy that comes when lying next to him and him not missing me. 

  • xjahr

    pattys86 wrote:

    I grieve cuddling.....

    with a very acute intolerance to heat, it is often difficult to cuddle with my husband because his very body heat can cause me to be too hot and uncomfortable.  I sleep with a fan on. Even with the fan, I can't have extra pillows around me etc, as that alone causes me o feel too hot.  I used to really enjoy spooning against my husband- it was the safest place in the world for me- I really grieve that i can't enjoy that anymore.....


     

  • xjahr

    a

  • mayronci
    I am so glad to see that i am not alone in this..i have been so scared to admit that this was from my MS as that would mean i was finally accepting the fact that i had MS. My solution is to sleep only in a bra and underwear so that i could feel his skin against mine..even if it was just my foot on his.
  • mayorofballard
    I'm 30 somewhat of a young male. Sometimes sex is no problem with my gf.. But other times it can be a chore. Everything will start out just fine but then I will lose my erection, and that sucks! Makes me feel like less of a man and makes her feel horrible too. This just started happening with in the past year. It puts a strain on our realtoinship. And yes we have talked bout it but still need a way to have this happen less
  • maria1

    mayor, I am sorry to say, 'you cant always get what you want'. BUT intimacy is sometimes accomplished with the touch of a finger tip. I do not mean, touching sexual organs but simply focusing intent. Remember the day when her finger on your shoulder was a remarkably arousing experience? 

    Sitting next to each other on the couch with an arm around the shoulder can be better than sex. Romance is the intimacy of paying attention to one another.

    Feeling like a woman can come from the eyes,how I look at my partner imparts my feelings and conveys my thoughts. Flowers are romantic. Just because the plumbing doesnt perform on demand does not make me less feminine or less desirable, it all comes from within. If I feel like a jerk I look like a jerk. If I feel like a WOMAN even  though I can not perform the sex act I AM ALL WOMAN, even fat and almost 68. 

    Barbara sang a song written by the Bee Gees, the words go something like this. " I am a woman in love and I will do anything I can to get you into my world and keep you within! It's a right I defend, over and over again. "

    There are ways to woo, sex is just the lazy way out. After I heard the song I spent years wooing my husband every way I could think of, until he died, 

    Let her see the twinkle in your eye, cultivate the art of wooing her acknowledgeing her and paying attention to her and forget about what is going on with you. It has made me feel good about myself every time I think of him and us, thirty years later.

    Think about what you want to happen - to keep the relationship, stay focused on the relationship and what you want it to be and your mind will figure it out to your satisfaction. maria

  • tamnmark4ever
    My fiance was diagnosed with MS last year. He sometimes suffers from loss of erection as well. When we first met 10 months ago it was almost impossible for him to get and keep along erection. He started taking viagra within the last few months. So far this has worked without fail. He also takes some homeopathic remedies on a daily basis. Such as Korean red gensing. L-argnine and pycnogenol. He started taking the homeopathic remedies first. We noticed improvements after about 3 months. But we still had some issues so he got a prescription for viagra. He still takes the herbal remedies on a daily basis and takes the viagra as needed. Its very important to be open about it with your mate. I would also like to say there are alternatives to pleasing your mate other than penetration that you can explore.
  • ilaria

    Talk with your doctor about viagra.  My husband had this problem and it seemed to help.

  • karriewgnr

    My BF has the same issue at times. I do not know your girlfriend, but speaking from a girlfriends point of view is this: I have learned this has nothing to do with me it is the disease. We have crazy open communication about this. I cannot take it personally bc it has nothing to do with him loving me or being sexually attracted to me. Most of the time everything works fine other times not so much...not to be graphic...but when it does happen we transition to oral sex. We talk about this and this how we as couple choose to handle when the erection goes away. We choose to save the moment of being intimate together instead of getting all frustrated. It took a while to get to this point but we are finally there. I can honestly say we are both fulfilled and enjoy out intimate times together. As my BF would say : "Communicate communicate"  We also make sure ahead of time that the room is at a good temperature and a fan is turned on to prevent him from over heating.

  • caroleighmcclain
    Have a talk with your doctor, there are meds to help men. ☺
  • marybethray
    I'm living with our RRMS. I'm also divorced single mother of two. I do not have mobility issues most of the time. Most of my symptoms are fatigue vision and spasticity. When I meet somebody I never know at what point to discuss my health issues. I am interested in hearing stories about people with MS and dating.
  • Miles242
    I am with you on that Mary. I am a single almost 40 yr old man. I have tried the dating thing and it has done nothing but blow up in my face. It seems as soon as I say something then there is no more dates. I am a totally honest person so I don't let it get far at all without saying something. I always feel like I am hiding something and I just can't do that. Unfortunately part of my MS is that I can't have sex, due to a lack of an election. Medicines haven't really helped much for me either. So that makes it very difficult for me to date as well. It's really difficult to let someone know that. And who really wants to start something with someone that has this difficulty right off the bat. I too am not sure what to do myself. I would also like to hear any advice on this issue. Thank you
  • tamnmark4ever
    My fiance has MS so let me give you a perspective from the other side of the coin. We started dating last year in May. I don't think you need to disclose your medical condition until you feel like there might be a relationship developing. My fiance was diagnosed about 2 months after we started dating. He was told he might have MS 5 years previous and he told me this. I pushed him to get diagnosed. Even knowing he might have MS I still wanted to date him. I fell in love with who he is and how he treats me. True love will always prevail. If someone doesn't want to date you because you have MS that's not the type of person you want anyway.