Not Just Clumsy

I was in my 20s the first time I tripped while I was jogging. I skinned my knee and my hands. I didn't think much of it. It was dark and I was running in an older neighborhood in Washington, D.C., with lots of cracked sidewalks and tree roots. It could happen to anyone. Right?

Over the next 15 years, there were many more falls. Sometimes while I was running, sometimes walking. Sometimes in very famous places (good morning, Grand Central Station!), sometimes on anonymous sidewalks in quiet towns. I never had any trouble making excuses for my tumbles – clumsiness, ice or too-high heels. I told my stories for sport at cocktail parties, laughing them off and inviting friends to join me in that laughter.

Two years ago, on a perfect October day, I fell again. This time it wasn't funny. I hit my face on the sidewalk, cut up my mouth and broke some teeth. I retired from running and found other exercises, but I was still chalking it up to clumsiness, even after a radiologist friend suggested there might be something more to it.

About six months ago, not long after my 40th birthday, I noticed that on long walks, my right foot was dragging a bit. Not enough to fall, but plenty to notice. I finally had reason to investigate further. I'm sure you can imagine what happened next.

My family doctor was stumped, and sent me to a neurologist. The neurologist put me through a series of tests and determined that there was nothing wrong with my foot or leg, but there was a slight weakness on my right side. He scheduled an MRI "to rule out" multiple sclerosis. I shared the news of my upcoming MRI with friends with concern, but not panic because MS is the kind of thing that happens to other people, not to me. Surely in a few months this would just be another good story to tell.

The appointment at which I received the diagnosis of primary-progressive MS was on December 12, at noon. (And I was late, so it might even have been 12/12/12 at 12:12. How about that?) My neurologist told me there were lesions, told me it was MS, gave me a lumbar puncture, and then left me to lay still for 30 minutes. Those are minutes that I’ll never forget. These have been months that I’ll never forget.


Suddenly, the future that I'd imagined for myself no longer exists. I need to begin creating a new one. In some ways, I’ve been forced to reimagine my past as well. All those falls: not just clumsiness. I’m 40, but I’m getting to know myself all over again.

The past few months have been scary, disappointing, stressful and dark. (And believe me, winter in Vermont can be dark dark dark even without MS specialists to see.) Surprisingly, they've also been joyful, reassuring and filled with hope and laughter. I’m just getting started, but I look forward to sharing more about my journey with you here.
Tags Diagnosis, Progressive MS, Symptoms      9 Appreciate this
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Katie

Katie Jennings, Blogger

Katie Jennings keeps busy juggling a son, a husband, a job, an old house, a bossy cat and unpredictable Vermont weather. She was diagnosed with progressive relapsing MS in December 2012. She blogs about all of it at http://steadyshegoes.com.

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    5 Comments

  • Arlene   Jun 23, 2013 3:53 PM
    falling is so scary. learning how to get up is important, especially when you're alone. it's amazing how many places have steps and no railings, friends houses etc. it throws a whole new light on situaions we never expected.
  • Ryan   Aug 21, 2016 3:51 PM
    My neurological condition is unknown. I am currently diagnosed with Dystonia BUT! I have symptoms that are suspect of MS. They cannot find any leisons but I am prepared for the diagnosis. My gpa is 84 with MS n still lives a decent quality of life. My Gma can leave him home while she is out. My suggestion is be prepared for the fatigue!!! It is the one symptom we all have in common. It can be disabling in itself especially with heat! Do not be afraid. You will be ok. As My grand parents say take it day by day n keep positive. You symptoms may change daily. I enjoy the days my symptoms are stable. Im sure you will too

    I hope this helps and God Bless
  • Ursula Kowcun   Apr 14, 2018 7:26 PM
    Having an MRI done next month. Have had tingling and numbness in my arms as well as many random "cold spots" on my body. Body aches all the time and noticed clumsiness about 6 months ago. Just thought it was menopause. Now with the other stuff, I'm not so sure. Always tired, I have double vision but also have graves disease. Guess it's something I should look into. Just stumbled (pun not intended) onto your blog. Hope you are well. I see you write this several years ago.
  • Kevin   Sep 14, 2019 4:56 AM
    I was surprised to see on a health site that tripping and falling was not a sign of MS but of ALS. I got poisoned by fumes for 3 months 5 years ago which destroyed my health in so many ways. I lost most of my strength and would fall over many times a day. I am exceedingly agile so I land like a feather on concrete even if falling off a ledge. Now I fall over less but some days a few times and other times not for a few days. I am quite clumsy sometimes and this week I was filling my car at servo and almost fell over and stumbled and flung the watering can on the ground. I fell over 3 times at work in the office and as I drive large trucks it looked bad. I thought I was going to loose my job when the manager asked me to see their company doctor. I told him that it does not happen too often and I’m slowly getting better. They are watching me though and I have to try not to fall in front of them but it’s very hard as it’s so unpredictable. I fell over 5 times at church the other day. As I drive most of the time I seem ok but then on the weekend it presents itself more. My arms are still weak but good enough for what I do. Wether it’s MS or what I don’t know?
  • Kevin   Sep 14, 2019 5:15 AM
    I was surprised to see on a health site that tripping and falling was not a sign of MS but of ALS. I got poisoned by fumes for 3 months 5 years ago which destroyed my health in so many ways. I lost most of my strength and would fall over many times a day. I am exceedingly agile so I land like a feather on concrete even if falling off a ledge. Now I fall over less but some days a few times and other times not for a few days. I am quite clumsy sometimes and this week I was filling my car at servo and almost fell over and stumbled and flung the watering can on the ground. I fell over 3 times at work in the office in one week and as I drive large trucks it looked bad. I thought I was going to loose my job when the manager asked me to see their company doctor. I told him that it does not happen too often and I’m slowly getting better. They are watching me though and I have to try not to fall in front of them but it’s very hard as it’s so unpredictable. I had fallen flat to my face as I walked past the general manager who was talking to a female office worker only a few months before. I got up quick and scrambled out the door but they followed me out telling me to stop and asking me what is wrong. I told them that I have had it checked out and doctors don’t know why my legs collapse. Fortunately these incidents were in different offices and they didn’t see me fall in other office. I fell over 5 times at church the other day. As I drive most of the time I seem ok but then on the weekend it presents itself more. My arms are still weak but good enough for what I do. Wether it’s MS or what I don’t know?