MS Walls

Do you ever feel isolated? I can be at home with my family and still feel lonely. I wonder if it’s because I sometimes feel like only a sliver of the person I “used” to be.

Lately I have spent time away from friends and family. Strangers too, I guess. I don’t work outside the home, so that sums up my social life! I’ve been electively away from life in general. Most people I know don’t understand what it is like living with this disease and I am growing tired of explaining.

I bury myself in my computer. My previous psychiatrist told me that too much time on the Internet, at the expense of time spent with other people, might develop into depression and social isolation. I stopped going to her because I didn’t agree!

Okay, but you have to give me a little slack. Some of this comes with MS territory.  I do honestly have very real limitations. Am I mad? Of course I am.  My emotions are about as predictable as this disease. Ask my husband!

But a friend of mine pointed out to me that maybe I’ve put up some walls of my own.

That was hard to hear, and even harder to tear down. Walls that I didn’t think anyone else knew about. Fortifications I would much rather not deal with. Accommodations I don’t want to make.

It had never dawned on me that this feeling of seclusion could have anything to do with what I may or may not be doing. Partially, because I do get out when I go to my doctor’s appointments and I enjoy going to church, water therapy and the hairdresser.

Okay, not exactly the life of a party girl … I get the point. Life is what you make of it and I can control my level of loneliness.

Maybe I’ll go back to that psychiatrist.

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