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  • murdock77
    I have just generaly sick for a long time which worsened about a year and a half ago.  They diagnosed me with pinched nerves in my neck and type 2 bi-polar.   Symptoms (especially physical) kept getting worse and worse.  More and more anxiety attacks.  I also have a diagnosis of extreme insomnia.  I am awake every Thursday thru Sunday afternoon for years.  It's my normal work hrs (16 hr shifts) My mind will not shut off and I'm on call at a hospital even when I clock out.  Can't relax. When I finally crash I can be in bed for days.  I kept having worsening episodes with my "pinched nerves." They were never gradual but come on quite suddending with each succesive episode getting worse and worse.  The last couple of times I ended up going to an urgent care because my neck hurt so bad.  I happened to get a PA who listened to my symtoms and to my astonishment had a checklist for me.  I couldn't beleive it.  I had 99% of the promblems he talked about.  He said he thinks I have MS.  I'm starting the tests with my PCP later this month and am quite anxious as to what to expect.  I have felt so bad for so long it is kind of nice to possibly have an explanation besides thinking I'm crazy for having these rediculous symptoms.   Advice!  What can I expect?  Any comforting words?

    My symptoms include:
      Severe fatique
      Neck pain
      Memory loss
      Difficulty concentrating and finding words
      Let's just say bowel and bladder issues
      Almost tripping over myself like a drunk person
      Bi-later arm tingling (some times pain)  Same symptoms in left leg
      Noises scare the crap out of me,  which gets worse the more tired I am
      Anxiety attacks
      Occasional depression/mood swings (my poor parents)
          I'm sure theres more but thats all I can think of.

    What do you guys think?
  • maria1
    Hello Murdock,  It sounds like your suffering is intensified by your anxiety. Being haunted by all the what if's is a tyranny of the mind, the glass half full choice over the glass half full. We all can focus on the negative and stay in the land of not enough(sounds like our chief executive?). Anxiety attacks give us reason to panic about everything so although you have symptoms that are concerning they are also sometimes lessened by a good nights sleep, which you are denied by worry.

    We who are living with ms have learned that if we take responsibility for our lives we work hard on feeling better even with ms. Doctors assists us in feeling better but we are the ones who find the solutions. We have learned that our nerves are aggrivated by every thing and we must massage them into peace and quiet to prevent them from kicking our butts. The more peaceful we grow our minds the more peaceful the nerves. And, some of the stimulus is out of our control but we encourage the habit of calm as the modus apprehendi, the pattern of not panicing about whatever happens. Yes, all the symptoms are still there, we walk into walls and forget everything but we have slowed down enought to realize all the things we have accomplished in the day are far more than what we have not. Balancing the scales, keeping equilibrium.

    Have you discussed your concerns with your pcp about your job performance and the possible danger you are putting people into about overdoses? or about not sleeping? If you were a school bus driver going through the same things, what would you do?

    If you have accumulated vacation time have you thought about taking it? Have you considered going into therapy for the anxiety? Can you muster some helpful thoughts? You have raised my concern, for you and your well being not to mention what effect you may have on others. You seem as though you have fallen into a hole of despair that is only getting deeper and darker, have you tried meditating on happy things, or beautiful things or comforting things, have you sat outside and stared at a blade of grass or a leaf just to wonder at the colors, or sat and felt the air on your skin that it is different from indoors, that the air is massaging your skin even though there is no breeze, or how does a bird see the bug that you cant? How do you bring beauty into your life, how do you make yourself feel good? Do you sit in the sunshine with your eyes closed and feel the warmth it generates from so far away. Do you ever make yourself happy?

    Or are you in a religion of suffering, do you believe you must suffer to be alive? If so, no one can help you have a better life, We all get to choose helpful thoughts or unhelpful thoughts, we all get to choose how we look at life, as if it is a challenge we are to work at solving or to be burried in a mire of despair. So even if you have ms, it is how you positon your mind to face the challenge as  to whether you will make it a success or failure, so even if you have ms, it will be up to you if you will find those things in living that will make it worth while or useless, and the effect it will have on others, will you be making their lives better or not, will you make the time you spend with them something that makes them feel good? What do you want to happen? maria
  • murdock77
    Thanks Miss Maria.  You seem to genuinely care about people.  I in general don't feel depressed to often. I'ts more of a frustration.   I am going to try the hemp oil/rub for my arms and hands.  My worst problem is the sleep deprivation.  I have been awake 3 to 4 days a week straight now for years.  I get to the point that I start hallucinating at times.  I'm having a sleep study this week but because I have worked third shift for over a decade I don't see how I'm going to fall asleep.  I can never relax enough to go to sleep.  My mind will not shut off. I just turned 40 last month.  I was able to handle the no sleep in my early 30s but I can no longer deal with it.   The only time I have negative thoughts, sometimes suicidal, is when I have hit the 4 day no sleep threshold.  I am so tired I do chores around the house and help my parents out with various things but have absolutely no memory of doing them.  I often get into that state in between consciousness and REM sleep and do or say things that the next day I think I actually did or did not do.  I came home and my bed was made and all my laundry put folded and put away.  I thanked my parents and they said "we didn't do it"   I had did it late at night and didn't even remember the next day.  I sleep walk, shop, cook (burned myself once)  even watch an entire movie with my mother that I again have no memory of.  It's a littile scary.  If I can get help with just this sleep issue I would be completely satisfied being perfectly willing to endure the other symptoms.

        Hopefully this sleep doctor can help me. I feel like I'm loosing it.  Any suggestions for help sleeping?  You seem to have a handle on MS and the various issues that come with it.

  • ErinNicole
    Hi Murdock ,

    MS effects all of us differently and there are other conditions that can cause similar  symptoms

    Start the  testing  ASAP it can take time for a diagnosis 

    Have you spoken to someone in authority at work about your symptoms? It sounds like this is a dangerous predicament m. If you cannot take some time off, look into the family medical leave act
  • murdock77
    Thanks for your input.   It has become dangerous and I had a literal wake up call about a month ago when I drove home a bit past midnight after being awake for 3 days.  I blew right through a license check and almost hit a police officer.  If I had hit him I would not have been able to live with myself.  Now I don't drive home untill its light outside and if I'm so tired I can't drive I get my father to drive me when I get called into the hospital.  My boss had been scheduling me 40 weeks with call and I told her I couldn't do that anymore.  I'm part time now with less call. Still can't sleep but a bit less exhausting physicaly.  i'm going to start all the testing on Sep. 26th. If I can't at the very least get some sleep I do plan on taking leave.  I have an upcoming sleep study as well. Hopefully will find a solution.   I am only able to function now because of prescription meds to help me stay awake alternating with energy drinks.   Bad habit I need to get out of.  At this point I am willing to endure all of it if they can help me sleep!
        Thanks for caring.
  • elitescientist
    Good evening,

    If you get a chance watch "The Secret". If you control your mind, you can change your life. I remember when I was frustrated because I walked into every doorjam when trying to enter a room. It would happen in front of people and they would joke. I'd laugh but deep down inside I would think WTF is wrong with me. The frustration exacerbated it. It wasn't until I stopped getting upset and took control. I slowed down before entering every door and made sure I cleared the doorjam before entering. Now I can enter doors normally without bumping into the jam. I essentially retrained my brain how to enter a door. 

    With so many things going on, I understand how hard it can be to think positively. I didn't tolerate several MS treatments very well so controlling my mind is all that I have. I've found that this can be a very effective way to combat symptoms as they manifest. And in many cases the symptoms completely went away.
  • golgotha
    The only way you'll know if it's MS is to see a neurologist (hopefully one with some experience with MS; not all have that) and do some tests.

    Regarding your sleep, it sounds like you have a crazy schedule. Sleep issues and MS are common, so common that this MS-specializing neurologist made a video focused entirely on sleep. It is, of course, for MS patients, but many of the recommendations apply to anyone having sleep issues.

    Be warned though, you may need to change some habits. :)
  • maria1
    Well murdock, for years I lived on four hours sleep a night, went for a sleep study also and found I had sleep apnea, for ten years I slept with a mask and air compressor, got me to sleep! Nowadays they have quiet air compressors yeah for that, and cloth covers for the mask. I also have sleeping pills that I seldom use. The mask got my air passages to stay open.

    Shutting down the mind is accomplished by deep breathing exercises and muscle relaxing exercises I also read that if you keep blinking your eyes you will get tired. Distraction is good. For a time I listened to pbs radio classical music and tried to focus one one instrument in a concert, like the French horn, to distinguish the sound from the other instruments, it worked fine until Friday nights when they switched to jazz, that woke me up every Friday night at midnight, for some reason jazz makes me feel great so I would listen to the music instead of focusing on the distraction, losing the sleep battle to beating time, giggle.

    Persons with ms have a problem of things not getting filed in memory, I did it, but I dont remember doing it! And as we age it also happens, so me and my partner are now at the stage where we watch the same movies over and over and when we get near the end we remember seeing it. You didnt tell me, yes i did, I asked you to do this, no you didnt, why didnt you do this, I forgot, where is it, I dont know? We use to get insulted and angry about all of it now we find it sorta amusing, we still remember each others name so all is okay.
  • ErinNicole
    Maria you always have such wisdom

    I used to sleep with a mask as well. Now i struggle more with staying awake than falling to sleep. Every now and then I cannot sleep, but if I stick to the following routine it helps.

    1) Drink warm golden milk made with mostly water, a little almond milk, and a scoop of hydrolyzed beef protein powder with either a spoonful of almond butter that I eat off the spoon or a spoonful of coconut oil added to the golden milk. This keeps me feeling full without eating so much that I don’t sleep 

    2) A serving of Calm in warm water 

    3) Brush teeth

    4) Lay down and do deep breathing exercises while going over positive affirmations or scriptures in my head

    5) If that doesn’t do it all take a hot shower which is exhausting, because I’m heat intolerant 

    6) Repeat 4.

    7) If that doesn’t do it I rub CBD cream on my spine. 

    I know it’s a crazy intense routine and it might not work for you. It took a long time for me to figure out what worked and I started experimenting with techniques way before I was diagnosed.
  • maria1
    Well Erin, it is sweet of you to say I am wise,  learned everything the hard way, got all the bruises to prove it too. Sleep is very impotant, but if I am in pain I am not able to sleep, so I do everything to avoid pain. And having land to maintain comes first here otherwise it will lose it's value, and help is impossible to find here, not enough people in this area. So I often have to do things whether I want to or am able to so sleep is strange for me. If I do work outside I have a strange reaction, I dont feel pain, I just collapse, like passing out, and sleep on and off for days until my body rebounds. echobird reacts with pain when he works, maybe my nerves are numb, Sometimes I can nap for three or four hours, get up for two then go back. I am not able to sleep eight hours straight. But I do accumulate the time to rebuild the body.

    Now that it is autumn I am not looking forward to cooler weather, we have had enough rain here in MO this year that everything is very lush and beautiful, it is September and we still have flowers in bloom instead of wilting in August so my eyes are having a wonderful time looking at everything, we still have butterflies too. I am trying to get all the sights into my memory for the winter months, even the mushrooms that are growing on the lawn from all the moisture. The leaves are not turning, they are just dropping. And allergies have been awful but worth all the beauty. Right i wake when the allergy pills wear off, ha ha. I wake when the cats run out of food and they scream and yell cause they are starving, I wake when the robocalls ring the phone, and the phone is not even in the bedroom. I should probably wear ear plugs and night shades. I cant remember the last or any time i had a good nights sleep. I take hemp pills at night so my arms and hands dont bother me, and allergy pill too so I wont go for any other liquids at my age, but if it works for you that is grand. "whatever gets you through the night is all right/" as the song says. sweet dreams.
  • ErinNicole
    I should note that the liquids are spread out over time. I usually start before I start cleaning up the house for the evening and have 2 or 3 trips to the restroom before bed.

    Your reaction to work seems similar to mine, but I don’t always fall to sleep. My legs just stop working. Good thing our house is pier and beam!

    Sometimrs my body just decides it’s had enough and I literally cannot do anything else, but my mind keeps going. It’s eerie