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  • WoolPhotos

    Hello everyone. I’m new here. I’ve read some threads similar to my current dilemma but wanted to throw out my story if anyone else is feeling lost like me or has any advice.

    I had, what turned out to be my second episode/flare up, only a month after dating this guy. Over two more months of dating, I got all the tests, MRIs, LP, and just in November I got the official diagnosis of MS. Just yesterday I got my first injection with a nasty skin reaction. In the midst of this, I also had another abnormal papsmear and had to get a LEEP (they removed a layer of my cervix in hopes to prevent cancer). 

    Now, he was very understanding during the healing process of the LEEP. I’m now wondering about telling him my MS diagnosis. We’ve only been dating 4 months, but he’s also 9 years younger than me (I’m 35, he’s 26). He’s very mature for 26 but I’m afraid this will be too much for him. Do I rip off the bandaid? Wait? Why is this even a question? I don’t know; it’s all so new!

  • MS_Navigators

    Dear WoolPhotos,

    Welcome!  A new diagnosis is a lot do go through, definitely feel free to give us a call so we can offer support and information.  You can reach us at 1 800 344 4867. That being said, how to handle and MS diagnosis within a relationship is incredibly personal- we do have a bit of information about relationships and MS that may be helpful:

    Relationships

     

    Jess, MS Navigator

  • maria1

    WoolPhotos, I recently heard a quote that strikes me as appropriate right now. "I am not upset that you lied to me, I am upset that I can no longer trust you."

  • lovereign

    When I was first diagnosed with MS at 28 I thought my life was over. I thought "Who's going to love me now? Dating is hard enough already. Finding a good man, even more difficult. Men don't like complicated and being disabled is COMPLICATED!" I was still very much depressed though. I was seeing the glass not just half empty but totally empty. I just turned 30 and have dated several men in just that time. A couple of whom wanted to marry me. I reminded myself that no one is perfect. No one's body is perfect. I decided to tell each and every one of those men I dated that I have MS. I told them within a few weeks. It's better to be honest about something like this, not just because it affects your life but will affect theirs as well should you stay together long-term. I also figured that if they ran away after hearing this news, that tells me they are not the kind of man to be there for me when I need them most. That shows they are weak and will buckle under the pressure of life itself when things get just a little tough. Also it shows that they are shallow, superficial, and/or immature; expecting perfection. I don't know about you but I want a man with enough maturity to know that everyone has 'baggage'. The question is... Will they accept you with your imperfections? Will they accept you as you are for ALL that you are? You are not MS, but MS is now a big part of your life. You need a man who is willing and able to walk the journey with you.

  • Chrissyny
     πŸŒ»πŸŒ»πŸŒ»I feel the heaviness on your plate, but you give me inspiration 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊 ✌🏼❀️😊✌🏼❀️😊✌🏼❀️😊 
     I would totally like to know, if their willing to tell me, of possible medical situation.
    At the end of story, I have MS and it why I...........am tired SO EASILY, or, it is why I can’t take the heat. (Whatever symptoms may be there)
    I speak for myself. I so want people-the right people, to know that their is a REASON, I’m actually slighted on some things. I’m not a diva or anything. There’s a REAL reason, take it or leave it.😬😬😬😬😬
    sometimes people care enough not to make it an issue, rather understand and help/care✌🏼❀️😊✌🏼❀️😊✌🏼❀️😊✌🏼❀️😊✌🏼❀️😊
    go easy on yourself, you’ll do the right thing 🌻🌻🌻🌻
    ✌🏼❀️😊✌🏼❀️😊✌🏼❀️😊✌🏼❀️😊✌🏼❀️😊✌🏼❀️😊✌🏼❀️😊
  • Stacy10
      My diagnosis was always one of the first things I shared when dating someone. I’d rather know sooner then later if they’re going to stick around. It’s still tricky, though. When I met my (now) husband, I was pretty functional. We went on hikes and out dancing. I had a foot drop and I don’t run, but otherwise, pretty normal. It took me years to trust he knew what he was getting into and that he loves me no matter what. It was only after he’d seen some of the worst this disease has to offer and still hung in there that I said yes to marrying him. 
      I can’t imagine hiding something that can’t be hid. You may have a choice to disclose now while your symptoms are invisible. But you may not always have that choice. You don’t get to decide what this illness will do.
      Personally, I’d tell him. Better to find out now then later. Maybe my early disclosure showed him that I won’t lie to him. And he values honesty above all else. Just my two cents...
  • Avatar
    WoolPhotos -

    It's better to tell him upfront rather than wait until the right time.  If he finds out that you were withholding that information from him, there will probably be trust issues, as well as wondering what else you didn't tell him.
  • momwifebadass
    So - I've been 'seeing someone' (not exclusive) for about 2.5 months, and i recently told him I have MS. I specifically told him because I take Ocrevus, and I'm due for infusion next week.
    I just said ' i dont tell a lot of people, but I wanted you to know because this is going to happen next week and i'm going to be weird"
    He was understanding. I told him I especially dont tell people because I dont want anyone to do me any favors or treat me differently because they think I'm 'disabled".
    He totally understood and was happy I'd shared with him. 
    Again - not exclusive, and he's older vs younger.
    I would say - you guys are already dating, he's presumably at least heard about the tests ... maybe it makes sense to share earlier.... But I'd vote to share when you're ready.  It's a lot to process when you are first diagnosed.
    Good luck to you - 
  • liammiller
    Frankly speaking, you should be much more confident in yourself, that is, to fight this disease and in the relationship also show a little stronger pressure as for example you will be able to read on This Site. Here are very well described problems in relationships and solutions, quite simple and understandable language.