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  • maria1
    Perhaps you are the mirror into which he sees his reflection
    he is having a mid life crisis.

    Perhaps you thinking it is you, makes it you

    If it is not you, how would you feel
    would the perspective change

    maybe you are both in the rut of ill health
    and need a few days away from each other

    what you see is not always what is there

  • kyheartstrings
    He stayed at his daughter's for a few days (my hot water tank went, but I have no place to "escape".   Time apart doesn't help when one's having fun, and the other's stuck at home, trying to "hold up the (crumbling) fort!.  Just caused more resentment.  Now, he's got laryngitis.  Went from mad at him, to sorry for him.
    That's too bad!
  • maria1
    Can you go to his daughters for a few days?
  • kyheartstrings
    We're not close.
  • kyheartstrings
    Wish I had the money to rent a motel.  My daughter and her man had their "getaway".  Husband had his.  I want MINE.  I know it'd be lonely, but at least I wouldn't be with ppl who don't care.  Called the dr and begged for pain med.  Nope.  I NEVER asked for pain med, except when I had a really bad sinus infection over 10 yrs ago!  Had hubbs pick me up some Aleeve, and you'd think he'd brought me diamonds.  He's gone again.  What am I DOING here!?
  • maria1
    Do you know of respite care? You can go to a care center for a weekend getaway from 'your caregiver'
  • kyheartstrings
    No, wonder if it's available in my tiny town. Hmmm.
  • Lloyd
    Excellent words of wisdom Charity
  • capitolcarol

    I am sure that you are not ugly.  Don't forget you have to first love yourself.  I sure know about the lack of sex.  I got tired of asking, I sure don't want to beg!  My husband thinks of himself as a caretaker and makes me feel like an invalid, so annoying.  At the moment, I am able to walk with a cane, not vary far, and am on Ampyra

  • mysonjonny37
    Dear Rich, I don't have MS but I have a son who does have it and because of his denial and inconsistencies of not taking meds, his MS has progressed. He is not married but when the "ladies" meet him and find out he has MS, the relationship changes. Now, as for you, please allow me to tell you about "true" love. When you married, didn't your wife make a vow to love you and care for you in sickness and in health. Well, often when individuals don't know the Lord, they say the vows but those vows are not deep within their hearts. Some vows are said in a shower of lust and not "true" love. However, you are married, and I don't know how long but I feel your hurt and I want to help you feel better about your situation. Are you a Christian and do you pray? God knows your heartache and your heart and He (Jesus) can heal your wife's heart. By prayer He will hear your cause and begin to mend your wife's heart. I'm sure she is a kind person and If you will do your part, God will do His part. I encourage you to begin with a heart of prayer. Daniel prayed three times a day and God closed the mouth of the lion. (Daniel 6:20). The enemy will try to thrwart your prayers, but you hold tight and pray. Find you a place alone to pray and ask God to cover your prayers from the enemy (satan) and your prayers will resound in heaven. I too will be praying or you and your wife; for her heart to be changed and that the "first love" will return and she will see you in a whole differen realm. I applaud you for speaking out about this to get help. I'm here. My email address is For your information, I am 72 yrs. old and just wanting to help. Or, you can just submit your comments here on the MS sight. I just noticed that you posted this in July 2012. I pray that you have resolved this matter by now. Take care.
  • lynsevans
    i was married for 25 years but the last 10 were strained sexually.  The rest was great but intimacy was being omitted more and more.  Finally I went to therapy and managed to get him to come with me a couple of times but it was too little too late.  When he finally admitted that when he looked at me he saw a patient and not a wife it was more than I could handle.  Now I am divorced.  Therapy is much needed and the sooner the better.  I hope you can work things out.
  • IBelieveinPink
    I'm so sorry to hear this.  It is sad after 25 years that MS tore your marriage apart.  I'm certainly not any relationship expert, in fact I have failed in every one.  I am 47 and recently read the book "Women who Love too Much".  It was amazing and it was able to help me leave my last abusive relationship.

    I so desperately wanted someone to love me and be compassionate, try and understand what I'm going through... not leave when the going gets tough.  Well, these were not the qualities in the men I was choosing. 

    So, now I'm on a minimum 1 year sabbitical from dating.  I'm living alone truly alone for the first time and learning to love myself. 

    It is scary at times when my MS flares up, but I'm also learning to care for myself. 

    Sadly, sex in my relationships were all one sided... the men got pleasured and I did not.  It would take too much time and energy on both our parts due to the medications and such so they got bored and rolled over.  It was horrible.

    I wish you well in therapy it is so great to find an incredible therapist to help us navigate through all of this stuff.  Please take care of yourself.  Big Hug!  Melynda
  • sallystarr
    Well my husband and I stopped having sex altogether after diagnosis.  We are right now in the middle of a divorce... My medical problems are costing him too much $ and he no longer wants to be responsabile for me.
    I guess that doesn't help you any but I finally got it off my chest.  I don't have any MS friends to talk to and even though I have some very good friends they just don't get it.
  • ms-nana
    I feel so sad for everyone that has been unable to continue relations with their spouse, but at the same time am grateful I chose to not let my MS nose its way between my husband and myself.  Balance issues are to be worked around and laughed at in the bedroom and in life in general.  Relationships need to be nurtured on a regular basis, MS or not.  There are days I have said I'm not too good for much, but I am still good at lying on my back!!
  • bob64
    Intimacy is no longer an issue with me as my wife of 17 years came to me about 2 years after I was diagnosed (diagnosed about 12 yrs. after I had been having symptoms) and told me she wanted a divorce because " I could no longer participate in the future she wanted"

    Needless to say that, even 6 yrs later, I have a real hard time trusting any woman.
  • mdwilliams-
    my husband thimnks intimacy is not going to hapen wiyth my urostomy inplsce he must irigate the system twice daily and cannot ear the thouught of the    S word leaving me quite frustrated and hurt,this was givebn to ne 31/2 years ago helpme let hm se he wil not hutrt me or be hurt by me,along 4 years of thiss making me sad angry and confused.why have this thing if t just maks me more ill emotuionally thsn ewetting myself//.?
    You need something hard tol deal with!
  • kballard72

    Married 17 years and nothing has changed. She's my bride, she has MS, but still my bride... Not a patient, no an MS person, not a burden... MY BRIDE! 

    in sickness and in health, I DO. 

    I'm saddened to see the numbers of people that bail on their spouses..

    as to answer the question, like anything else, take what the day brings you!