How do you let go of the past. How do you begin to weave a new life for yourself. How do you come to terms with the new you. Where do you begin the proccess of becoming a person living in the present, with all the new limits ms has thrust upon you. Can you just stay in the present and appreciate what you have right now. Who you were yesterday is the accomplishments from the past, achievements attained in a past life. How do you begin to: begin a new, to forge for yourself a new life that has meaning. How do you begin to find new uses for yourself, stuff that elevates your self worth and self esteem. How do you begin to become a new person, do you first start by strengthening the skills you have or do you learn new skills. Do you teach yourself to love new things, to grow attached to new disciplines. How do you make the first step to living in the present and face the day as the new you.
I refuse to be a passenger in my own life. Sure, things are different now, but that just forces me to think outside the box. My new year's resolution was to have more fun.I send a group text with the plan. Whoever can go, goes. I don't keep my MS a secret. I am useless after 7pm. Therefore the plan is always between 12-5. I have learned, a night out, can just as easily be a day out. Don't have the mindset, that things can only look one way. I have so much more to say, but it's after 7! Lol
I recently became unstuck I guess is what you would say. How, well one day I woke up and realized that my life was working for me and I needed change. I went to see a psychologist and that all changed. I worked hard with him to take steps to answer all those questions. It takes time and patients. I vented a lot about my anger towards my family and the doctors. I found new ways to make myself happy. New hobbies. I learned to live with this disease doing what I could to accomadate my new life.
Honestly I don't know the day I became unstuck. I know it was sometime in my new job working with cancer patients. Seeing them get stuck and realizing that I am alive. I can cry and scream but it won't change that I have MS. I can live in the past but what about the future? Maybe the future won't be as I once planned. Maybe the future will bring more tears and more anger. I'm sure there will be struggles ahead of me but look at all of I have already gotten through. I can go through more because really we don't have a choice.
Keep going Maria. Keep trying to find that new you. It won't be easy but I believe in you. All that you have been through and all that I have read from you is proof that you are strong! Good luck
Thank you for the kind words, they are appreciated. Sometimes I cant tell between being stuck and just not able, or the weather, or all of the above. This has been the winter of my inactivity, sitting moping, thinking, doing almost nil. But of course my hands and arms are my very good excuse, ha. If I have to say, I have been looking at the sky, eltting my eyes soak up the light, thinking about getting my engine started. A little weather weary waiting for spring. As long as I dont beat myself up about doing 'nothing' I am okay, I trust there will be some motion, one of these days, giggle.
A friend of mine is really stuck, so I was looking for answers that might help.
I'm still trying to figure things out. It's been years and I just can't get to where I really want to be. And I still miss the past which I'll never have again.
Me too carol, I miss the things I was good at, those things I enjoyed. And on the other hand, I relish the memories of those things I did. I miss skiing, I miss driving, I miss swimming, I miss sculpting. I remember doing those things, like pushing my fiat spider to 95 and loving it, now I have trouble driving farm equipment.
I did learn, early on, that I had to fill the void, put something in the place of what I could no longer do, second bests, like learning how to type, (well maybe fifth best), learning to write, learning to sew. All mediocre choices compared to those things for which I had real passion.
But, I did those things, all of them, like having stuff under my belt, not a hasbeen but a was. I tried all that stuff I wanted to try, I didnt chicken or punk out. Filling the void is far better than nothing, you know, the old regret. It aint great, it aint where i want to be, but it is better than nothing. I was never a star, will never be a star, but will try my darndest to make something that looks sorta good or makes me laugh.
Growing old sucks too, missimg all those yesterdays, the things that make me feel like I dreamed them all up, even though we always hear, nothing stays the same, but UGH, cant I have a little of it, back again, back where it was. And I guess, the more I think about how beautiful the past was, I would like to be stuck there, but in reality, not in the dreams and memories, maybe alzheimers is a good thing.