I'm not sure if I am posting in the correct forum but here goes…
My wife was diagnosed with MS in 2005, she began a strict diet (mostly vegan, dairy free, gluten free) and started on Betaseron in early 2006. She has done amazingly well, with only one minor exacerbation since she was diagnosed. In Feb of this year she suddenly and without warning decided to stop taking her Betaseron. In March she asked me for a divorce (we have been happily married for over 20 years and have two awesome kiddos!!). Come to find out, she believes that she has found her true love. The problem is that this person is merely an acquaintance, she doesn't know this person and this person wants nothing to do with her. My wife has also revealed some very concerning delusional behavior to me over this time. The object of her affection is a photographer and posts hundreds of pictures on his FB page. She spends hours looking at his FB page and believes that he is sending her messages in his pictures, and even more troubling is that she has stated several times that he can read her mind. During March and April she complained of an intense ringing in her ears, I don't know if it continues now, she has stopped sharing with me. Over this summer she began pushing herself intensely, to her physical limits. She has climbed a bunch of mountains in our area (Alaska), the trouble is she will hike a mt, then crash for two days while she recovers. The other troubling aspect is that she seems to have no concern for her personal safety. An inexperienced hiker alone in the Alaskan wilderness is just plain foolish. She has risked her life more than once attempting dangerous hikes alone.
Has anyone else had a similar experience with a loved one? I am devastated over this, my kids are suffering, my wife's parents and sisters are also devastated. My wife doesn't seem to be the same person she was a year ago. Is there help out there somewhere?
Thank you for posting - I've moved your post to the "Care and Support" board where I hope you will receive additional responses from the community.
The rapid changes you describe in your wife's behavior are certainly concerning, and I'm sorry to hear that they've caused such unwelcome changes in your marriage and family life. I wonder if you've had an opportunity to share your concerns with your wife's neurologist - even though privacy laws will prevent the physician from sharing information with you, they should be willing to listen to your concerns.
Emotional changes and cognitive changes can both occur in MS - emotional changes
can include depressive episodes, anxiety, mood swings and in some cases inappropriate behavior such as sexual aggressiveness. Cognitive changes
will generally be seen in memory, concentration, information processing, and planning/prioritizing, among others. Of course, I''m not in a position to suggest whether the changes you've seen in your wife are related to her MS or not, but the extreme nature of the changes certainly cause concern regardless of the cause.
If you haven't done so already, I encourage you to seek counseling services - although you can't likely change your wife's actions, you can get support in coping with her decisions and their impact on your life. HelpPro
is a great resource for finding therapists; under their "advanced search
" there is even an option to find a provider with MS experience.
I hope you'll get feedback from others - take good care of yourself through this difficult time and please reach out again if additional resources or support are needed.
I'm a bit confused so hopefully you can help me to better understand. I am reading some of these post, memory loss, depression and so on...what I struggle with and was tested for which all showed impairments in memory loss, reasoning skills, problem solving ect...you get the picture.
This is one of my problems, I use to love to read, now if I read a book, I have to read the same page over and over again bc it just isn't sinking in. My kids and husband constantly repeat themselves to me. It's like I feel brain dead sometimes. I even forget how many pills I take in one day. I recently noticed I am starting to see short term memory effected. If I am talking to someone face to face and they start talking to fast, I am lost. Now people have to talk slow so I can understand. This is so embarrassing. I can see how everyone around me gets frustrated so now I just nod. I tried to explain to my kids and husband how I am not processing things and they get so mad. Mood swings, yep that's me and it scares me. Depression is horrible due to this, not being understood and the fact that I can't even explain my symptoms correctly to a doctor.....is this what you all are talking about? Do you suffer from these problems?
Part of what I am hearing is a breaking out to do all those things perhaps, that have been on the wish list. Mountain climbing sounds to me like my horse back riding. At 64 I got on a horse, no matter what, it was affordable and i always wanted to. What other medication is she on? or off? sometimes stopping right away causes changes.
About the divorce, well, maybe you can ask if she wants to go on a date, or if she wants to go no vacation with you. Has she been working very hard?
Whereever you can, think outside the box, observe her physicalness. Are there signs of physical deterioration? Maybe she has the idea that she is getting worse and has nothing to lose.
Ask her if she is mad at you.
The dementia sounds strong, therefore it seems appropriate that she not be left alone.
And is someone monitoring her medication to be sure she is taking the right doses?
Can, or is the photographer a friend who would support you by visiting the house to help break the spell?
I AM TRUELY SORRY FOR YOUR FAMILY . SOUNDS LIKE YOUR WIFE IS DEPRESSED AND IS NOT DOING WELL. YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THAT WHEN YOU HAVE MS YOU FELL LIKE YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER YOUR LIFE. MS EFFECTS YOUR MIND. MY ADVICE IS MAKE HER GO TO THE DOCTOR OR A STRESS CENTER. I AM SPEAKING TO YOU FROM THE HEART, AND IF MY FAMILY DIDN'T TAKE MATTERS IN THEIR OWN HANDS A YEAR AGO I WOULD NOT BE ONE THIS EARTH NOW. PLEASE FOR YOUR FAMILY AND YOUR WIFE GET HER HELP.
Anon..., how are you since your post? Today I realized that I remember everything, I just can't recall any of it, giggle.
Eric8, what has happened over the last 14 months? I actually came to this website looking for help due to a similar situation concerning a friend with MS. There's something not right about her thinking/reasoning ability and it's come on gradually over the last year. Things have become quite unbearable at her home between she and her husband. We've been able to get lab work, MRI, and just recently an appt. with a neuro psych. All so far are clear, but something still isn't right. She has noticed actions by her husband that indicated to her suspicious behavior, but then seems to have taken it totally out of context and reads everything he does as being inappropriate. The scenerios she gives seem grandious and impossible, but any reasonable explainations don't make sense to her. She becomes extremely emotional and devastated thinking her marriage is coming to an end, but anything her husband does to reassure her she suspects as part of the plot to trick her and leave. He's about ready to bail due to the constant accusations, and she's convinced he's planning to leave, meanwhile they fight constantly and it's getting more volatile for them to be together. Is there anything about MS that can cause delusional thinking, and what can be done to change that thought pattern?
Losing autonomy is the most devastating effect of ms. Losing the ability to take care of ones self and having to depend upon md's to know what is best is demeaning. Then to have a partner try to take over running my life is difficult also. Fighting to live my own life and make my own mistakes, the old , mother I'd rather do it myself. So I fall and break my neck, at least it is my choice of what I want to do with my life.
Years were spent fighting for my independence and maintaining it when I was diagnosed with ms. So what if I fall. At least I am living, living my life.
Making mistakes is better than doing nothing.
I would rather stumble and fall, than to sit and have everyone think for me. It is insulting, why bother be alive when others are living my life for me, telling me what is good for me, as opposed to suggesting and allowing me to choose the course of my life. Don't tell me what to do or how to do it, don't think for me, if I want help I will ask for it.
It's like living in a police state, being choked.
Having ms is living the worst fears you can think of, so there is nothing left to lose. It has it's freedom, with cognitive, physical, and visual difficulties I got on a horse at 64 because it was the only place where I could be alone with my self to make my own choices, it was a little independence in my dependent life. You make think it reckless, I think it life saving, it gave me just enough bolster to my self esteem to feel good about myself. I challenged myself and made it work. And if it didn't work I tried and failed, and still would have no regret, no regret that I did not try and would never know if I could.
The new person that I am every day is not the young child discovering abilities and skills, it is the new old person discovering if I can do anything. Celebrating everything I do, what ever it is, how little it is, anything it is.
Healthy persons take their abilities for granted. Every day I find new things not working. I thought ms was only physical, I had no idea that I would lose intellectually. I accepted not being able to walk, not being able to see, not being able to use my hands, all the physical aspects of living(learning that some abilities return some leave again some never return) But losing my mind was the insult that crushes the life out of me, especially when those around me want to do for me without asking if I want it done.
I was shopping one day with my cane for stability and was going to reach for five pounds of sugar on the bottom shelf, when some woman insisted upon getting it for me, I told her I would do it and she was insulted that she was not permitted to help me. That was about twenty years ago and I still feel the same way. ASK if you can assist me or if I want help, don't jump to take over my life.
Zuzer, how do you know that what he is doing is appropriate? what example do you have in mind? Some men like to be in control, have a need to be in control, and some women, me in particular are uncontrollable, my partner was losing me when trying to control me and my life instead of allowing me to stumble through my life. I would rather die than allow my life to be controlled.( Sit stand sleep, do what I say when I say it. I know what is good for you you do not. bah humbug! my happiness is something I need to do for myself, don't tell me what to do and when to do it.) He was so afraid for my health and well being he was choking the life out of me.