I'm feeling frustrated, I feel that I just want to be alone where I don't bother anyone of my family. I was researching assisted living because I feel that way they can come and visit me and I am away from all to be left in peace and quiet. I'm just fed up with everyone in my household stating that I bring them curse because i lash out and just get very irritated when I feel things are not right and yes I do tend to not care for anyone's feelings. I just say what i want without caring about there feelings. I just need to hear that I am not a bad person and that I'm not crazy like my mother thinks and tells the world, that way people don't feel hurt. My husband today said that if I don't change my attitude he will leave. That to me is what made me look for assisted living faculties.
Ms and all it's uncertainties is tough to deal with. It's a daily struggle, I feel you on that. I think you need to sit down with your family members in your household and talk it out, let them know what you're dealing with and see how they respond. I also recommend you visit an MS support group if you can find one in your area. Of course everyone here is always here for you too.
I have those same thoughts that assisted living would be the easier softer way to cope...problem is that ultimately that loneliness of waiting for my loved ones to visit will not fix the anger and rage inside. I'm assuming you are newly diagnosed, grieving the loss of self to chronic illness and have not achieved any sort of stabilization. I'm there right now and the fears of it all consume me. I lash out at the ones i love most...one of my many "bad" character defects.
Bottom line is you are blessed! You should be grateful that in your family's own personal dealings with YOUR chronic illness they have not abandoned you...that has happened to me. It is way worse than having to be respectful to others while they are doing their best to adjust to their uncertain and changing lives... sounds to me like everyone has less than graceful moments. You are the one who feels burdensome and wants to run away to a place where your "socialization" and care is provided by people at their jobs...trust me, if your family wanted that it would already be in motion. I lowered MY expectations of others....it may be far from perfect how they seemingly do everything wrong in MY eyes but since i cannot do it myself anymore i'm pretty lucky to have loved ones pick up the "loose ends" of life. I put in an effort everyday to make the ones still standing know i appreciate them...for me it gets easier the smaller my circle of family and friends gets. Living "independently" with family and friends in my opinion when i honestly look at that big picture would be a better quality of life than the alternative.
Best of luck to you in that!!
It sounds like an old fashioned temper tantrum to me, i know, i've been there done that and even enjoyed it. Choosing to be alone is not the same as being forced to be alone, if you keep it up and move to an assisted living place, they may never come to see you if they only have bad memories of you. Please see if you can leave them a better legacy.
When my father died there were no tears. When my mother died I cried for all the years of misery that I was forced to live through. Try communicating, express yourself.Let them know what you are feeling without the blame, they have no idea what you are going through, you have not told them.
This is Steve with the National MS Society.
I'm so sorry to hear you are dealing with so much! I wanted to let you know we are here to support you, no matter what direction you decide to head in. We would be happy to help you locate support resources (support groups, activities, counselors, etc), as well as resources and information to help your family understand some of what you are going through. If you do decide to pursue assisted living, we'd be happy to help get you information on options and help you in any way we can. You can reach us at 1-800-344-4867 option 1.
Please get help!
Depression in MS is very real and not something you have to deal with on your own. The support groups through the MS society are amazing. Many MS patients need to see a therapist for counseling. This is a huge challenge for many MS patients, and you are not alone.
Ovi has made much sense about: please get help because in addition to the possibility of depression there is the issue of: from whom did you learn when you are feeling lousy it is okay to hurt the ones you love. Feelings are things we all humans have and many of us learn to suppress them so deeply we dont even know we are feeling. Emotions are what let us know we are alive, the good the bad and the ugly ones. Identifying and knowing what you are feeling apart from what people tell you to feel is part of our learning experience. It is something not taught in schools, though it probably ought to be. Learning how to handle our feelings is a skill honed with age and guidance. Some roads are best not travelled alone.
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I have had a rough time with MS. I have mood swings and tend to sometimes lash out at people too. I also suffer from depression and anxiety. I want you to know that you are not crazy nor are you alone. It is very hard for people who don't have MS to really understand that it isn't just the physical symptoms you see everyday it is also other symptoms that other people can't see but you can feel.
I will tell you what helped me. First I admitted to myself that I needed help other then my neurologist or my family. I started seeing a psychologist who put a lot into perspective for me. You can't change people you can only work on your self. You can only do as much as you can. I will tell you for me it was a life changer. He helped me deal with the situations thrown at me. He helped me change my life for me and not my family. You can only do so much. He helped me realize my strengths and weaknesses. I started seeing certain situations and almost would step away analyze and see how different things affected me and peoples reaction. When I started to realize I have mood swings I can spot them coming and tackle them. After seeing him for a while I decided to see a psychiatrist. I recently had a bad experience with a psychiatrist so I went to see one he recommended. He has helped me adjust medications to make me feel much better. I have less depression and anxiety.
I also should tell that if you see a counselor which could be a social worker or a psychologist remember that you have to find one that works for you. Sometimes one that someone else really does well with might not be a good fit for you so you find one that works for you. I hope this helps and I wish you luck! Again I am sorry your family is having trouble understanding what you are going through. It isn't there fault just like it really isn't your fault its just some situations just suck lol. Gabrielle
Hi, I am so sorry to read your story. It's hard for others to understand what we are going through. You don't say whether you have been to a neurologist to be looked over and tested for MS. I hope there is someone that you can talk to, other than your family, that will listen to you and help. Of course, there is always us, we are a big help to everyone.
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