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  • time2heal85
    My husband was disagnosed with MS over a year ago. His symptoms of agression seem to be triggered by, heat, depression, and frustration. All of these are typical symptoms, however, the outbursts of anger and frustration tend to go towrd those he is closest to including our children who are 2 1/2 and 7. They do not understand and can not seperate these outbursts. I have tried to shield them as much as possible, but that leaves me as the, "verbal punching bag". I often feel that he gets a, "free pass" for his behavior because it is a symptom. Without the diagnosis of MS it would be border line verbal abuse. At what point do we stand up and say, "enough is enough!" Are we as caregivers or wives and husbands supposed to just endure these symptoms beacuse they just that, symptoms? Counseling may be an soultion if he is willing to go. There has to be consequenes for human actions no matter the situation. Leaving doesn't seem like an option beacause then your the person who left your sick spouse. I am hoping to find others who share my frustrations of watching the one you love push you away slowly by their actions related to MS. 

    Thanks

    Holly 
  • maria1
    Holly, You need to learn the tools to deal with his anger. You can take responsibility for your family by getting yourself into therapy. You can get to be the leader in the family, for a better life, which is what you want to happen. 

    Every relationship takes two persons, one of you must break the cycle of abuse.
  • echobird
    Maria you are dead wrong... He needs to deal with it she can try and help him but if he's wanting to have his wife and kids around then he needs to get helping  and if not then leave before the children witness or go through any physical abuse.
  • MS_Navigators
    Hello Holly,

    Abuse of any kind is never ok. I think counseling sounds like a great option, but even if he is unwilling to go it is something you can do on your own. This link will allow you to search for counselors in your area.

    Our self-help groups are open to people with MS as well as family and friends.  These groups are an ideal place to meet others. Those who love and care for persons with MS often find the groups helpful sources of support for information about local community resources and solutions to caregiving concerns.Use this link to locate a local self-help group.

    I also encourage you to check out this list of comprehensive carepartner support resources.

    If you need additional support, please contact us at 1.800.344.4867 (M-F 7am-5pm MST).

    Best,
    MS Navigator Stephanie 
  • echobird
    I would say that he needs to see a therapist and the MS Dr needs to be aware of what is going on as well. I get frustrated from my MS and the heat as well. But if he's getting abusive to your children and you then it's time to get some therapy now I wounder was he getting aggressive towards you all before the MS DX was that the reason for checking to see what was going on and the DX. Also have you contacted the nmss to get information from them. I hope things get better for you and your family. But if not then you need to think of what it's doing to your children and yourself first and foremost and if you feel like he's going to get physically abusive then you should go to family or friends and call the crisis center from mental health maybe it's that the meds are making him worse or just the heat but he needs to deal with the issues a bit better than taking it out on the kids and you.
  • maria1
    An abuser is not in a rational mind and can not be reached by the person being abused, therefore it is imperative for the person being abused to become educated to make an informed decision how to care for themselves and family, to be able to choose moving away from the abuser if necessary. 

    Abusers are in need of therapy, agreed, but also can not be confronted without care. 

    The more educated the victim becomes the safer all involved are. Safety is first priority  for all. It is easier to educate the person being abused or to have others who are prepared to make an intervention. There are persons trained to approach this type of situation, it is not a good idea for the uninformed or uneducated to try to change these circumstances without the needed support of others.

    Both alcohol and drugs alter reality, we all know prescription drugs also change who we are and how we see things, care is needed in handling the situation. The more educated the more safe, although not a guarantee.

     
  • capitolcarol
    I'm very concerned that he is also taking his frustration and anger out on the children -  2-1/2 and 7.  It is really going to affect them greatly and they will need counseling for quite awhile.  My childhood was filled with lots of fighting and fits of anger.  It needs to be stopped before he gets physical with you and your children.  Please see to it that he gets counseling quick.  Also, check with his neurologist or doctor to see if the drugs he is taking are causing his problems.