Ive got a few funny and embarasing stories to tell about my recent hospital experience, Enjoy and feel free to share your own.
1. "Who are they?"
The two kids who helped me up after my fourth fall, the second I had no prayer of getting up from myself, they had heroic strength and between them they deadlifted my 350ish lb butt off the kitchen floor and got me to my feet, they helped me use my moms walker out to the car and we loaded up to hit the ER because enough was enough with waiting for this other doctor to see me in two weeks, maybe.
We get there and the initial nurse who takes me in is looking at the two kids, they are 19, and asked in a hushed voice, "Who are they?"
I reply in full normal vollume, "Oh they are cool. A little overy religious but cool."
The two Mormon Missionary kids burst out laughing and I apparently made their month saying that.
2. "...You didnt make sure the comode was aligned did you... No I dont want to see!"
First day in rehab, my OT comes in and I'm like a floppy fish trying to sit up on the edge of the bed.
We wash me down right there and then she helps me sit on a bedside comode.
I ask her to make sure everything is aligned properly and she assures me it is. She leaves to grab me a change of gown because I hadnt graduated to pants or a shirt yet.
So I do my buisness as best as I can without being able to feel much of anything, I was pretty sure I peed as I heard some watery type noises from underneath me.
She comes back and immediately gets a smile on her face, "Looks like you had a little accident."
"I didnt pee on the floor did I?"
"Let me show you.." She walks over and after snapping on some gloves she uses a towel to pick up a large pile of *****... and proceeds to show it to me.
They REALLY cared about bowel movements there!
3. "WOULD YOU LIKE A SUPPOSITORY?"
My roommats family and my family are in attendance.
In comes this pretty young nurse with a big smile on her face who walks over to me and asks in a sugary sweet voice, "WOULD YOU LIKE A SUPPOSITORY?"
We all broke up laughing and I wave her off with a, "No thanks."
Of course the next night a different nurse shows up when all the family is gone she asks the same question.
After three days I think this would be a good idea seeing as the oil stuff she had me drink earlier in the day around lunch did nothing.
So I turn on my side and let a lady as old as my mother push it up by butt.
Within 10min I felt ready to go. I wait until an hour has gone by to make sure its in full effect.
I call the nurse and she comes in knowing whats coming.
She doesnt even offer the comode. We go in at a quickish clip to the actual toilet and I have an epic movement.
Whatever they put in those things, WORKS.
4: It keeps going, and going, and going...
I had a lot of trouble with my bladder during the whole stay.
It just would not flow easily at all if it flowed at all...
So after two folleys and a period of straigh cathing they decide to teach me and mom how to straight cath.
So they come in and open the packaging and at first I dont really pay any mind to the little rubber hose.
So they steilize and then hook up the little bag to the hose and with a dab of lubricant they stick the hose in...
I had felt this before but I wasnt prepared to watch just how much of that hose went in!
It just kept going, and I could tell she was going slow. Moms eyes were bugging out and mine werent much behind it.
Although after the suppository incident they notice I went just fine on the toilet so they recind the order...
Too bad it didnt save me from the pain and burning of the UTI I caught soon after...
So, I wake up in the morning and ask the nurse to get the md to give me a pill for my allergies.
I ring for the nurse, I threw up on the floor.
I ask the nurse to get the md to give me an allergy pill,
I ring for the nurse, I threw up again.
I ask the nurse to get the md to give me an allergy pill.
I ring for the nurse, I threw up again.
I finally get an allergy pill.
Wow, better late than never!
Florida Hospital is awesome in that when I needed some asprin or a claritin they got it to me super fast.
Although I did puke on their floor after lunch when I tried being vertical in my wheelchair for a half hour around my 4th or 5th day.
Poor nurse took a few steps in then halted in her tracks, "So ready to get back in... oh. Are you ok?"
"Sorry, I couldnt hold it in."
They were never judgemental when you had an accident like that.
Two years ago I was in the hospital for pneumonia, for 11 days. I was on IV's of solumedrol, antibiotics, potassium, and lasix (a water pill). So I pulled a muscle coughing, and a nurse brought me a heating pad that ran on warm water, and was plugged into an outlet. About an hour later, it sprang a leak...spraying water every which way...I pushed my buzzer and tried explaining it was leaking, that there was water spraying everywhere! She wasn't understanding me. Well by now I had to pee from the water pill...I was holding the heating pad like a tray, and it was full of water. By the time the nurse came in, she was like, OH! and unplugged the device. She said I can't believe it sprung a leak, and I told her that I was going to leak if she didn't take this heating pad from me.....she spilled it on the bed, but I grabbed my IV pole and made it to the bathroom. We laughed about that every time she came in.