It is now 2015 and I still think what I wrote in 2012 is a viable solution, "when everything they have tried has failed". Putting one's life in order is a grown up way of living. We all die, and preparing for the inevitable is necessary, it is in fact - planning for the future.
When I was in unbearable pain and no one was offering any relief I tried to end it all, and failed. Turns out, the md who was treating me told me to cut my dosage of zoloft in half for two weeks then stop it all together. I was on 100mg daily. It was supposed to be stoped in a tapering dosage. The affect was probably as bad as anyone getting off drugs cold turkey. And then I wound up in a nut house and was treated as badly there. Lucky for me my partner got me out 'before I went crazy'. It is not an easy task to perform. living is easier, albeit at time painful.
Most adults plan for end of life- as they age they shed the no longer necessary things that they have accumulated in life, they clean the attic, the basement, the garage. It is part of writing the last chapter.
Persons who go into hospice sometimes plan when to end it, with assistance, why do we not have a right to end our suffering, when in fact is enough, enough. Do we have the right to reject the quality of our life? When we are in an abusive environment do we not laud those who are strong enough to leave it? When we see someone whom we love dearly, suffering, do we not wish for their suffering to end soon.
And, when one begins to prepare for the end of life they discover there is more work for them to do, that their work is not finished.
I always thought that I would die at age 47, and in fact part of me did, that was when I had a major exacerbation and was finally diagnosed with ms. I was waiting for a bolt of lightning to put my lights out, and I did nothing but wait for the end.
Soon I will turn 68 and for the past two years i have been working toward the end of life, putting my life in order, so the kids won't have to clean up my mess. There is a living will, a final will, a power of attorney and more than twenty years ago I willed my body to science so no money will be spent to dispose of my body. Now the toughest thing to do is go through all the papers the government has required of me, to figure out what is time to throw away and what to save. We no longer have a housekeeper so we are packing up everything we can to make it easier to keep the house clean. There are boxes labelled in the basement, ready for auction or inheritance, which ever our heirs choose. And still there is plenty of 'things' to do and to sort through, and we are only living here ten years,
My cousins lived in their home 45 years before they moved, imagine what they had to go through to get out of there!
When my mother died my sister shipped me a half a dozen boxes of papers, and pictures to go through, she had already culled plenty. It took me nearly two years to sort through. My baby shoes we cute, and stuff I colored in kindergarten. I got the pile down to three boxes which are finally in the basement. Amongst the stuff we the letters my father sent to my mother during WWII when he was in the army. I started reading them and found them so valueable I transcribed them on to my blog online, they are being read all over the world.
So again, even if a person is depressed and is willing to end it all, for the sake of those left behind it would be helpful if they did not leave them also a mess to clean up. And it also gets them to be really clear about their intentions, instead of hanging on the line in limbo.
Even thou I was in a drugged induced suicide attempt I do not regret what I did at the time, I got to see professions look down upon me and judge me harshly for what i had done, and I also saw that they were wrong. That they believed that their god whom they worshipped had only given me as much pain as I could tolerate, was wrong, i had reached my limit of tolerance, and I had had enough and wanted out, i was no longer a glutton for punishment.
For the past couple of years I have asked my brain to answer two questions, and as yet have not had a reply: How do I describe sound to someone who can not hear? How do I describe color to someone who can not see? [honing my communication skills is taking a lifetime, sincerely, maria