Writing for me has always been my truest form of expressing myself and I never understood why. Every thought I had simply made more sense when I would write it down, and whether based on fact or fiction, writing fulfilled a passion and method of healing in me that leaked out in various forms, yet I didn’t know what to do with it until recently.
Fast forward to 2004, I am a young mother of three children ages 2 1/2, 3 1/2 and 6 months old, and I’m suddenly not the healthy person I had always been. I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in October, 2004, and things have quite literally, never been the same. Writing became a way for me to cope with the changes I was going through. I wrote as though someone was reading my words and listening, but mostly I wrote for me.
I decided earlier this year that this “diary of a disease” that had developed from my journal writing, and would continue in the journey that is my life, needed to be shared. Because, who doesn’t need a “Me too!” moment now and again, especially when one is suffering with a chronic illness. So with three parts frustration, two parts embarrassment, a little perseverance and some much needed help from those who know how to web design better than I do, I have published my “diaryofadisease”.
This little blog has forced me to come out of denial ever so slightly about the truth of living with disease. One of my biggest challenges has been to be honest with the people around me that care about me. I realized that before I could be honest with them, I needed to get honest with myself. In a sense, I am learning to function in a body I do not quite recognize at times. I have had many moments when I am thankful for the lessons this disease has taught me over the years, and I have had twice as many moments that I have felt cheated out of the life full of strength and health I had imagined for myself. In a nutshell, I have not figured it all out and do not pretend to have all the answers. For myself and others, I hope for a community that pours out compassion, supports the weak, and as Paul in Romans 12:15 says, rejoices with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn, because whether we live in a world free of MS or not, we must keep on living.